My furbabies

Ignore the mess in the corner…..Thank you. (Gifts for the G’children that are non dispersed)

my-furbabies.jpeg

My furbabies were not happy I moved out to the couch for a few days. So last night I went back into my bed. Built up a nice pile so I could recline to sleep.

Ya, that didn’t work so well. Tonight I’ll try one more time. I have to make it MORE U-shaped then hopefully I won’t slide off and end up on my left side. I was in pain when I moved this morning.

Not good.

But I made them happy.

yay.

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Well a break through!!

I took my first pain pills at 2:15pm today!! Wow….considering I have been eating them like candy every 4 hours for the past week.

I still hurt but it was more manageable. And I don’t want to be dependent on pain meds. That is not a good thing. And believe me I have a CRAPLOAD of fun meds at my house…..I could make a fortune on the black market. But I won’t do that to Nick’s memory.

One of these days I will take that HUGE bag to the police station in town and dispose of the stuff.  I don’t know why I can’t let it go yet.

Going to a store tonight to find some new tops. Sick of my old ones and it is time for a change. Bought 3 last night, 2 are going back. I LOVE them on the hanger, but on me? Not so much.

flamingo.gif <—-Just because. I love Flamingos.

I am very tired today. Sleeping upright on my sofa is letting me sleep more but it’s still not a restful sleep. I’m thinking of taking all my big square pillows and building up a u-shaped wall so I can sleep in my bed instead.

Back to the 50’s car show this weekend. I am leaving at noon on Friday and I don’t know when I’ll be back. Depends on how I sleep up there with this damn chest. I’ll be going alone so I’ll probably stay with Jon.

I can’t wait to see my New Zealand friends……………………….so ‘cited!

Later taters!!

 

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I usually write about MY life…..

I hope this helps us to understand just when the public’s respect for the NFL organization started to crumble….

–  In 2012 the NFL had an issue with Tim Tebow kneeling for each game to pray, they also had an issue with Tebow wearing John 3:16 as part of his eye-black to avoid glare, and made him take it off.

     In 2013 the NFL fined Brandon Marshall for wearing green cleats to raise awareness for people with mental health disorders.

     In 2014 Robert Griffin III (RG3) entered a post-game press conference wearing a shirt that said “Know Jesus Know Peace” but was forced to turn it inside out by an NFL uniform inspector before speaking at the podium.

    In 2015 DeAngelo Williams was fined for wearing “Find the Cure” eye black for breast cancer awareness.

–     In 2015 William Gay was fined for wearing purple cleats to raise awareness for domestic violence. (Not that the NFL has a domestic violence problem…).

–     In 2016 the NFL prevented the Dallas Cowboys from wearing a decal on their helmet in honor of 5 Dallas Police officers killed in the line of duty.

–     In 2016 the NFL threatened to fine players who wanted to wear cleats to commemorate the 15th anniversary of 9/11.

So tell me again how the NFL supports free speech and expression, all of a sudden… It seems quite clear based on these facts that the NFL has taken a position against any action by NFL players demonstrating RESPECT for any issue: For God, social causes such as mental health, cancer, domestic violence, for cops killed arbitrarily for being cops, for the Memory of 9/11…

But, they will allow demonstrations of DISRESPECT for our National Flag, our National Anthem, for America , and for the American People, if it will help mollify a particular Group and its supporters. That is who and what the NFL has shown itself to be.

Pass this post along to all your friends and family …[if you want to….]. Honor our military, too many of whom have come home with the American Flag draped over their coffin.

I have lost my tolerance for a LOT of things. NFL and MBL are two that come to mind. I done with people who play for millions of dollars a year, live in STUPIDLY overdone homes, with arrests for violence against more wives than they should have…… When I struggle to survive each day.

I live in a home that is too big for just me so I took in my daughter and family so they can save to buy a home of their own.

LOTS of my family members are military, including the son in law that lives in my home.

My husband died from cancer. And these guys go thru wives like most people go thru cars. I would give anything to have my Nick back.

Rant over……..

 

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Oh NO Nonna!!

“You are not old! You don’t have an rubbery patches!! So you are human!”

Lennox and Nonna.jpg
I DIDN’T KNOW THAT WAS A REQUIREMENT!!

OMG I couldn’t even laugh my chest hurts so bad yet.

And yes, I’m finally going to the doc because Ron here at work brought up a good point I never thought of.

Infection.

So I called my regular doc office. They said it could be a possibility.

I am going to the walk in clinic across the parking lot because my regular provider is not available till mid July.

And y’all wonder why I hate going to the doc??? YOU CAN’T GET IN!!

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Why?? sheesh!!

Last night on my way home, I hurt. I just freakin’ hurt. And all I could think about is Nick, “I need you to hold me and make me feel better. I need you HERE.”  My chest felt SO bad.

holding Nick on my lap on the futon

wait…………..what?

I hate where my mind goes sometimes. I know he’s gone and holding me is not a possibility. I hurt that bad. All I wanted was Nick’s arms around me.

It made me cry knowing he cannot comfort me like I did for him.

I’m finding myself standing in the shower just sobbing again.

It’s the time of the year. Two years ago June 16, he decided to stop Chemo. Within 5 weeks he was gone. This was the time we got things ready to go on the ‘Bittersweet Farewell Tour’ to Canada, the Falcon Nationals in Baraboo, The Mustang Run, and meeting Jack Rousch. Eleven days after Jack he was gone. One week after Falcon Nationals, he was gone.

nick-71716
The love of my life.

Gone.

The rest of my year seems better………this 6 weeks up til Aug 1?

Not so much.

And I’m good with that.

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OMG I hurt!!

Last night was a lesson in extreme pain.

First I took 2 bikes to have tires and tubes. I went to Ken’s and unloaded one so I can ride on flat roads till I am used to riding again. Haven’t ridden since last Summer. This is going to hurt.

Then when I got home last night, I took the other bike out, went with son in law to get the battery and hopefully the rider will work. I couldn’t lift my chest hurts so bad.

Got back home from that, took 2Tylenol and a Melatonin, showered and at 7:45pm, crawled into bed screaming in pain. OMG there is NO way to lay down when one hurts that bad.

4 year old Grandson came in with me.

“Nonna? Are you hurt?”

“Yes, luv, I am.”

“I’ll be right back!” and off he ran. Came back with the heating pad.

“This will make you ALL better.”

It hurts a 4 year olds feelings when a heating pad he ran special to get you doesn’t work. OMG the tears! One would think the world was coming to an end because his remedy wouldn’t work!! His mommy had to hug him, I kept trying to explain, gave up and told him the only thing that would make me feel better were kisses and lovin’s from him.

He couldn’t snuggle up FAST enough! Tears gone! LOL…..

So we snuggled and played Mahjong Master for a bit….then Nonna had to shut things off. Actually he did because I couldn’t move. So helpful when Nonna hurts.

We laid there and talked for awhile till he fell asleep. I had to get up for a loo stop. OMG to have to get up out of bed and then lay back down AGAIN?? Holy Mary Mother of God! (I’m not Catholic…is that the correct phrase??)

At 5:30am, I had to get up again…………and there was NO way I was laying back down for a lousy 30-45 more minutes so I went out to the couch and reclined. Jaysus….Rib/sternum pain is HORRID!!!

6:20am out toddles the 4 year old NONNA!!! My eye won’t open cause it’s sticky!

Well, sheet………………..

 

 

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June 7, 1996

22 years ago today…Nick asked me to marry him.

(I’ll find the photos and add them here later)

Got down on one knee and EVERYTHING!!

Of course I said yes.

It just took 20 years to finally get hitched.

beautiful windows

I still miss him so.

 

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