Today….

I opened up this page to write…………and all I saw was a BIG blank white screen where I can put down words that maybe, just maybe, y’all want to read and comment on.

And I went blank. I sat here for an hour…

you-will-never-find-another-me-not-sure-if-that-is-good-or-bad

Another 45 minutes later I am still looking. I have so much I want to talk about with the feelings I am having surrounding my new man. And I don’t know how to put it into words.

Yesterday was spent thinking on and off about Ricky and the USS Iowa. Remembering an awesome young man everyone loved and who was taken from us far too soon.

Today I get a text from my cousin, my favorite Numpty has been going downhill. I planned to stop in tomorrow on the way back from the cities. Cousin text that the girls, her daughters, are heading there NOW. This does not bode well.  I’ll be waiting for a text. And it won’t be a good one. Elsie is one naughty lady. She made me laugh and feel loved. I will miss her beyond words. I am glad I stopped to see her a few weeks ago. She looked really rough…but she still had that Numpty sparkle in her eye. I'm fine

Ken. What can I say about him. I laugh a lot around him. I think that is important. We can also be silent with each other. We tease and smile and roll our eyes at each other. But how do I feel? I like him. A lot. I enjoy spending time with him. I miss him when we are not together just because I enjoy being with him….not because I am in love with him. Because I know I am not.

I am happy with companionship right now. Enjoying each others company. Doing whatever strikes us. He likes that I stayed overnight and I will probably do that as often as I can. And it’s because I love to snuggle up to his big warm body. We snuggle up watching movies with his projection screen TV. Movie is on a whole WALL……nice. Surround sound….nice. A warm recliner….nice. I’m good with this for now.

I don’t know if there will be more……but I’ll keep ya posted!

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April 19 , 1989

grief

Heavy smoke pours from Turret Two following an internal explosion on 19 April 1989.

220px-USS_Iowa_BB61_Iowa_Explosion_1989.jpg

My friend Ricky was in there when this photo was taken. The following is from Wiki.

1989 turret explosion

 

During a gunnery exercise, at 0955 on 19 April 1989, an explosion ripped through the Number Two 16-inch (410 mm) gun turret, killing 47 crewmen. A gunner’s mate in the powder magazine room quickly flooded the No. 2 powder magazine, likely preventing catastrophic damage to the ship. At first, Naval Investigative Service (N.I.S., later renamed Naval Criminal Investigative Service or NCIS) investigators theorized that one of the dead crewmen, Clayton Hartwig, had detonated an explosive device in a suicide attempt after the end of an alleged affair with another sailor. To support this claim, naval officials pointed to several different factors, including Hartwig’s life insurance policy, which named Kendall Truitt as the sole beneficiary in the event of his death, the presence of unexplained materials inside Turret II, and his mental state, which was alleged to be unstable.

Although the Navy was satisfied with the investigation and its results, others were unconvinced, and in October 1991, amid increasing criticism, Congress forced the Navy to reopen the investigation. This second investigation, handled by independent investigators, was hampered by the fact that most of the original debris from Iowa had been cleaned up or otherwise disposed of by the Navy before and after the first investigation, but it did uncover evidence pointing to an accidental powder explosion rather than an intentional act of sabotage.

I had partied with Ricky, his sister, and one of his friends, just 3 weeks before this happened. We had a wonderful time watching Eddie Murphy and playing cards or some board game. Talking and laughing.

Little did we know.

But apparently he had a premonition.

They found all his friends senior photos laid out on the floor in the house he rented. He had seen everyone on his last trip home. If I remember correctly, they even found his class ring there when he wore it all the time.

He left it behind this time.

He was a ‘take this one home to meet Momma’ kind of warm, kind, gentle, friendly soul. He worked at the local grocery store and ALWAYS had a smile on his face.

Ricky and 46 other young men died that day.

May they all RIP.

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Heartburn…

I have not had heartburn since he and I started dating. I just noticed that today. I’m just getting a twinge of burn but I am STARVING. And when I thought about why I’m burning…it went away sans Tums. Yay me!

A TIGHT HUG
I went to his house and we watched Taken 3 last night. Some scenes were difficult for me to watch. Someone dies and the things that go with that…………just brought back a bunch of memories. I did not have to go identify Nick at the morgue, but the curling up with his bathrobe, inhaling his scent and losing it…………it was right here. It did not last as long nor was it the ‘suck the life’s breath out of my soul’ like it used to.

Taken is a good series. I think I am now in love with Liam Neeson. *sigh*

It will be a whopping 3 weeks on Saturday since we started seeing each other.

7 or 8 dates already. I’m comfortable with him. He’s nice to snuggle up to. He’s funny and warm. I like his companionship and spending time with him. I just don’t know where this will go.
be crazy be stupid be silly
I’m just struggling with the ‘love’ thing. But I’m not putting too much thought into it yet. It just crosses my mind now and again.  I just don’t think I’ll have a love for anyone like I had for Nick. I may, and it will be totally new and different, I just need to figure it out. I’d settle for just being HAPPY and comfortable with Ken. He is so different and that is a good thing. It feels good to have his arms around me. I don’t feel possessive or jealous. I’m not worried about ‘us’. It is just nice to have someone to spend adult time with.

We haven’t spoken of this all yet. We should. I asked him last night ‘So is it official? We are dating?’ He laughed…..’ya.’ There are times it is difficult to get how he feels about something out of him.
That’ll have to change. heh heh heh……………
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Some thoughts today…..

It might work! Couldn’t hurt! Sheesh… we are in for another 3″ – 10″ of this white crap starting tonight!

I may end up snowbound again! heh heh heh WHA…………????

UNPLUG SPRING

I’ve been doing so much thinking about my new relationship. I really do like this guy. We are compatible. We have fun, we laugh, I smile when I think about being with him.

I enjoy him.

We have another date tonight. Tuesdays are becoming Movie night at his house. It’s just a few hours together but we talk and enjoy each other’s company.

And I am not afraid or apprehensive with him. Not double thinking things, not worrying. It feels good.

be crazy be stupid be silly

I was talking with my friend John in NY this morning.  I told him I did not know if I will find love again. He said I won’t til I stop fighting it. “It’s OK to move on, Sue. You have a life to live. Don’t waste it looking back. Use the love you had, that you have in your heart, to make yourself and someone else happy.

He’s sending you flowers, too? No brainer”

(Did you notice the caption on the card??)flowers

LOL

Leave it to my Dion to make me see things in a different light.

I know I am capable of great love. I KNOW that. I put myself completely into a relationship.

I also want to be sure of how he feels before I pour myself into a relationship that will break my heart if it does not work out. I think this could be a solid good thing but remember, nothing is ever certain.

It has taken my heart a long time to be in ‘this place’  where I feel I can give myself to someone new.

And it feels good.

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I think I’ll keep him….

flowers.jpeg

These arrived Friday. I guess I don’t tease him about things. They show up when I do!! I”m still smiling about these. They are so pretty and smell SOO GOOD!! They sit on my coffee table so my living room smells wonderful……

This weekend, I found out this man has wanted to date me since he met me.

<insert jaw drop here>

We talked about that Sunday morning.

I said it made me feel good to know that is how he felt but that he respected my relationship with Nick enough to never act on it til now.

Remember Kevin? He said he has been in love with me since he met me in 2006.

Nick fell in love with me at first sight.

I must exude so pretty fierce Pheromones huh??

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Thank you new guy……

lit the flame.jpg

….for relighting the flame.  I love how content and calm I feel around him. We laugh and smile and joke around. Just snuggling on the couch Tuesday night was ……..nice. Very nice.

One day I will share his photo. Not yet. We are too new.

I’m actually sitting here about in tears today.

The ’56 Victoria has been spoken for. It is sold.

8393549-1956-ford-victoria-std-c
This is how it should look WHEN IT IS DONE. Mine is NOT done. It is a builder….They are beautiful cars. Nick always wanted one of these.

And the guy has the financing for the ’69 Ranchero. This is the actual car in front of my garage. It is sold.Ranchero passenger side
This is a running almost drive-able car. The 5 speed is underneath but the automatic shifter is still on the column. Finish hooking it up and GO.

While having the money will be nice to finish up some projects in the house, I’m watching Nick’s dreams drive away.

Again.

And it hurts.

The #52 car is a Panacarrera Road Race Lincoln. I have one. It is a 1952 Lincoln Capri. It is the final car to be sold. I do NOT want to sell it. I want to drive it first. But that won’t happen.

1954-Lincoln-Ad-03

Each car I have sold has torn a bit of my heart out and taken it with.

It’s almost over.

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So…I am texting with new guy…

We are talking about one of the guys he works with they are having trouble with and our date Tuesday night and other things……..

……..and for shits and giggles I throw out there ‘Miss me?’

“yes”

Instead of telling him they offer target practice down at the local rod and gun club, I told him that was nice to hear and that I was sitting here smiling.

Then I got ‘Dam, break is over”

*sigh*

…could have continued into an interesting conversation.

We have another date Friday night….going to the local golf course for fish.

I’m excited……He makes me smile.

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