Happy Sunday!!

Sun tomorrow is monday again

I know right???

Sun tomorrow is monday I cannot do that every week

I hope you all had a great weekend.

Talk to you on Monday….

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There are days……

…..I sit here and listen to the 3 guys I work with BITCH about having to do things with or for their wives.

WTF????

Do it and enjoy!  …….or get the hell out of your marriage!

God! I would give ANYTHING to have to do some of the stuff they are complaining about with Nick.

nick and sue dancing

I’m just saying appreciate what you have. You have NO idea how fast it can be taken from you.

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I HAVE A DATE TONIGHT!!!

Oh stop……….

I told a co-worker that this morning and his reply? “Oh really??”

Thanks Ron. Put your eyebrows down.

thud.

be crazy be stupid be silly

Ted and I are going for Friday Fish. Cracks me up as he is Lutheran and I am Methodist. We don’t HAVE to not eat meat on Friday. We choose to. We Mid-westerners have awesome Friday Fish down to a SCIENCE!! *score!*

HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND!!

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I promised myself…

…when I started this blog, that I would write every day.i am trying.gif

Then I dropped it back to every week day as I couldn’t get the damn thing to open at home. Then I could get it open, and will write occasionally from home or while on vacation. I find when I can sit and type out on a keyboard rather than hunt and peck on a smartphone…the words can flow easier….

But I do try….

This has been a rough couple of weeks. The last of the boxes of Nick’s things are in my living room for me to go through. I look at them and I can’t handle all the memories that flood back. I found the ticket stubs from B.B. King. Flyers from places we’d gone. I found so many of the cards and notes I sent him. I had no idea he kept these. My heart hurt by the time I got through that box.

nick-saying-something-most-likely-entirely-inappropriate
There are days when I question if he was real. We had such a good thing and now I have nothing. Nothing but memories. I would rather have him. I miss him. So much.

I went to a wake Tuesday night. Bernie and Ruby had 12 years together. She became ill with brain cancer and passed away on Sunday. Bernie looked so…..drained. I know exactly how he feels as I went through the same thing with his brother.

Bernie was more than 20 years older than Nick. He’s a good man. Stubborn but that is their way. I feel for him right now. I know how lost he must be. Hearing that Ruby had died from her cancer just threw me back to parts of our journey. The frustration, helplessness, and heartache of knowing things cannot end well. No matter how hard everyone prays.what if you simple devoted this year.jpg
This will be my goal this year. To love myself again. More than I used to….. I like myself? Now I just have to learn to love myself. Learn how to build my confidence back up again.

Some tell me I still have it.

I just gotta find it.

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Third time in 38 years….

Heart on plank Valentines day

I’m going out for supper tonite with a g/f of mine who is alone for the first time in 17 years. Between the two of us? We’ll figure it out. And be OK.

being loved deeply

I think that one is true….

if you only have one smile give it to the people you love

And I do give my smiles to those I love. And those I meet. And those that make me laugh even if I do not know their names…

Happy Valentine’s Day…one and all….

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Buuwwaaaahahahahhaaa!!

10 WORDS AND PHRASES.jpg

…There. I have THAT out of my system. I chuckle at the truth in it.
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I have a question to ask you all and I’m just very curious for your answers and opinions.

It has been suggested to me that I need to go ‘F**k a bunch of different men to build up my self confidence’.  Wow. Just wow. Like I would DO that.

I shot back ‘Well, if you want me to do you, you’d have to come to my house [his house has extra people and] since I’ve become such a slut in your eyes*

“I never said that and I take offense to it even being suggested.”

How could he be more offended that I was? I was hurt, stunned and offended that he would say something like this to me. We have been friends for 20 years. I sat there in tears.

Was I right to be upset and offended? How was I sposed to feel?  “like you have confidence. You said you needed touch to heal so get it. There’s no labels in that.” There ISN’T??

You all know how women who sleep around are known as sluts and men just get another notch on their bedpost. At least that is what I was taught growing up.

I know that one day, I am literally going to have to just jump in with both feet and try being with a man again. I think I am finally feeling like I won’t be cheating on Nick if I do. I KNOW he’s gone. Drop that old scolding OK?? If you haven’t lost a spouse that you loved like I loved Nick…then you just don’t get it.

I want a normal life again people………..

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I love this….

do not chase love.jpg

…as I continue to struggle to find someone who makes me feel content…………..

…….but I think I’m brokeded…….

 

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