….To live without such fear?
I don’t know if I can remember….This morning Nick was finally sleeping so peacefully…..that I am freaking out looking for his chest to be moving up and down. Was he BREATHING???
Last night, I spent over a half hour rubbing his back trying to help him through yet another bout of severe pain. Almost every night, like clockwork….in his words, his rib pain tries to strangle him. He can’t breathe, he can’t lay still, it grabs him and won’t let go till IT is ready to. And the doctors can find no cause for it.
Two spots were found on the last MRI. One on a kidney, you can live with one kidney. The other? on his liver. You can’t live without that. More fear piled on top of the incredible weight loss, the lack of appetite, the rib pain and the not knowing.
Will we be celebrating Easter? Memorial DAy weekend’s party…will it happen? July 4th. What about his next birthday? Christmas?
The uncertainty of it all…..
And if I feel this way?? How does Nick feel?? I can’t hardly imagine.