So it is pump removal day. Nick will slowly feel crappier all day today till the pump comes off late this afternoon.
Tonight, he’ll crash and sleep for 2-3 days. His blood work was so much ‘healthier’ this time so maybe it won’t be so bad. But he’s got the ‘shards of glass while drinking cold’ already (on Wed, Chemo day) and the tingling in his fingertips, too. Who knows what symptoms he’ll get and what will be permanent and what will be temporary.
Temporary…….*laughs sadly*……What can be temporary when you have no chance of BEATING the cancer this time. I’m hoping for the best but preparing for the worst…….what else can I do?
I keep thinking I’ll wake up and this will be all over. Nick will be fine. We’ll have our life back. He’ll put on 20lbs and look and feel SO much better.
Then reality hits and I’m upset, hurt, sad and angry all over again.
Such a roller coaster of emotions every stinkin’ day….I never know what will set me off. And I don’t like being this ‘unstable’ feeling.
A couple who are our friends, have split up. She will stay at the house. He will be staying with us for a while. I’m looking at this with mixed feelings. He cannot afford to rent a SECOND place while continuing to pay for the house. I would like someone here to help out with the ‘man’ stuff – keeping the wood stove going, hauling in wood, clearing the steps and sidewalk, lifting the heavy stuff since Nick can’t anymore. I don’t know how long he plans to stay. Probably till the house sells but it’s been on the market on and off for several years now…………..It’s a cool house so I don’t get why it hasn’t sold yet.
So the benefit is taking on a life of its own……I’m glad…..I hope it is a huge success and Nick can forget worrying about paying off his bills and his ‘end of life’ expenses…..They weigh heavy on him.