It’s Crash and Burn day ….

So it is pump removal day. Nick will slowly feel crappier all day today till the pump comes off late this afternoon.Nick and Sue button

Tonight, he’ll crash and sleep for 2-3 days. His blood work was so much ‘healthier’ this time so maybe it won’t be so bad. But he’s got the ‘shards of glass while drinking cold’ already (on Wed, Chemo day) and the tingling in his fingertips, too. Who knows what symptoms he’ll get and what will be permanent and what will be temporary.

Temporary…….*laughs sadly*……What can be temporary when you have no chance of BEATING the cancer this time. I’m hoping for the best but preparing for the worst…….what else can I do?

I keep thinking I’ll wake up and this will be all over. Nick will be fine. We’ll have our life back. He’ll put on 20lbs and look and feel SO much better.

Then reality hits and I’m upset, hurt, sad and angry all over again.

Such a roller coaster of emotions every stinkin’ day….I never know what will set me off. And I don’t like being this ‘unstable’ feeling.

A couple who are our friends, have split up. She will stay at the house. He will be staying with us for a while. I’m looking at this with mixed feelings. He cannot afford to rent a SECOND place while continuing to pay for the house. I would like someone here to help out with the ‘man’ stuff – keeping the wood stove going, hauling in wood, clearing the steps and sidewalk, lifting the heavy stuff since Nick can’t anymore. I don’t know how long he plans to stay. Probably till the house sells but it’s been on the market on and off for several years now…………..It’s a cool house so I don’t get why it hasn’t sold yet.

So the benefit is taking on a life of its own……I’m glad…..I hope it is a huge success and Nick can forget worrying about paying off his bills and his ‘end of life’ expenses…..They weigh heavy on him.






Posted in Me

4 thoughts on “It’s Crash and Burn day ….

  1. Yes there is generally a crash after the steroids wear off. I know Rich was hyper the day of chemo and perhaps for almost 24 hrs, then boom down came the walls and he tumbled to bed. It was like pulling his non existent teeth to get him to do anything other than sleep and moan.
    It is okay to be angry, hurt, sad, mad, all of those feelings will be encompassing you over and over.
    And then you want to go out and shout…”Why Me?” “Why Him?”
    I hope the extra help is a good thing. Your heart is big to let someone else into your life right now.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes, I remember the ‘crash’ from 3 weeks ago. It happened MUCH faster than this time. I think his blood work being so much better helped. He stayed up till after 9pm!! Last time it was like 7pm and he was out for 12 hours or more.


  3. Hopefully they have figured out a better ‘concoction’ of meds for the chemo. Ugh. Unfortunately or fortunately we will never be able to go through that kind of treatment again.
    Get your snow blower ready, I heard we may be in for a biggy this coming week!

    Liked by 1 person

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