It’s getting harder and harder to leave….

……….each morning. Nick is getting thinner and thinner. It’s getting more difficult for him to get up out of a chair, or out of bed. 113lbs this morning.

I like when I don' thave to be careful what I say

How I wish I could tell you all he’s getting better…

but I can’t.

How I wish I could tell you all we are JETTING OFF TO ITALY!!

but I can’t.

We just live day by day.

Trying to make the most of it.

I have NO idea what to expect.

OK, I have SOME idea what to expect as things progress. My girl wonder, Juli, sent me 3 books. And I started reading them. And I’m really not liking what I am reading because I came to realize ….we most likely are at the 1-3 month stage. There IS no turning this around. There never was.  Back in December they told us 10-12 months. And as I think back on that, I remember how much better he looked then. In February, they told us a couple months. And even then, he looked better and had more energy than he does now.

I hurt. I am watching the man I love fade away. I have YET to figure out how I am going to live without him.

And I’m listening to the people who are SUPPOSED to love him best telling him to keep fighting. To DRIVE 3 hours to their house. To do this and do that.

They have a right to see him.

They just need to understand they will have to come to MY house to do it.

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9 Responses to It’s getting harder and harder to leave….

  1. Hi Sue.

    (((HUGS)))
    Perhaps it is time to look into Hospice coming into your home. At least it may be time to check into it. They do have resources that are very helpful. Hospice usually gets involved at the 6 month or less point and it sounds like you are there.

    LOVE YOU!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. lynnsears72 says:

    One day at a time honey, it’s the only way to do it. As for his family? Their “rights” do not over-ride HIS right to not have to drag 3 hours to see them when he is terminal and back again. Let them come to him. Or not. Either way, it’s their responsibility not his – they have the energy and resource that he doesn’t.

    I agree with the hospice suggestion, they can provide the medical care so that you can focus on providing the more important role of being his partner. Anyone can be the carer, he needs you to be the woman he loves and only you can do that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Boo says:

      Nick wants to sit in front of fireplace. I found one closer. We had to run to the airport in the cities. Bouncing in the car for 6 hours made him lose a day and a half to pain. Wish people would understand that.

      Like

  3. fredrieka says:

    I found family that kept saying “Keep fighting” They thought it was positive reinforcement they did not want to say anything negative. Their way of helping him keep positive. You are doing an incredible job. I want to say again I love that you are journaling this. Wish I could be there for you in person.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. A Perfectmindstorm says:

    I hurt for you sweet lady. Having lost a few loved ones through the years, I know the struggle you are going through (in a way) It’s very hard to watch a person fade away and I understand why people say “keep fighting” , but there comes a point where you have to be able to tell him it is OKAY to let go. It’s a hard thing to do, but it will help him too. YOU will know when that time comes. In the meantime, spend as much time with him as you are able and ONE DAY AT A TIME . I agree with Katie, Hospice can be a big help at this time. Hugss you tight

    Liked by 1 person

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