Cancer….a journey thru pain…

…….that SO many people don’t get.


Nick and I are watching TV last night when the phone rings.

Another family member chewing him out for ‘being distant’.


I’m beginning to think restraining order. Cause they are NOT getting the “He has cancer, is in lots of pain (even if he won’t tell you that), and is always TIRED” thing. When he doesn’t get to sit down and relax or nap during the day, it wipes him out.

How do I get these people to understand this??

Everyone wants to come visit Nick. No one gets an exclusive day with him. We have gotten to know a great number of people who understand he’s ill and sometimes he just doesn’t have the energy to ‘stand around outside and talk’ for hours on end. They pop in, talk a bit, then leave.

But there are others that expect him to BE THERE ready and full of energy when they decide to show up several hours past the time they SAID they’d be there. Then stand around talking for hours without a let up.

They don’t get what I have to go thru after they leave. The bandage changes, the pain meds, rubbing his back or legs so he feels a bit better, trying to find something he can eat because now he’s too tired to eat, so he loses more weight. There is an aftermath of other people’s ignorance.

And it’s just too sad for words.

Posted in Me

12 thoughts on “Cancer….a journey thru pain…

  1. They aren’t stupid, ignorant maybe, or maybe they just don’t know how he really feels in their own way are trying to to “be there” for him. We aren’t experts in knowing how to be with or show our empathy towards terminally ill people. My friend told us all that he knew we cared and he appreciated that more than we would ever realize but he needed to be with his immediate family and the door was closed to others. His rules and we played by them so maybe the rules need to be stated….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. for being distant, for not driving 3 hours, for staying home instead, for not returning text messages over and over, for not returning phone calls (he takes 3 hour naps people) …. I get they want to spend time and talk to him as much as possible..but he also needs to rest.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I am so sorry Nick and you are having to go through this with some people. This is not unusual though. From my Grandmother to my Aunt to my Father each was terminal and there were always a few people that did not understand how visiting wore them out.

    Either Nick will finally get to the place that he will not be able to stand around talking OR you will figure out how to run interference by putting limits on any visitors. Lay down very specific rules and then hold everyone to those rules. Sue you have got to have time to yourselves. Nick needs to understand that if you are run down you can not care for him as well either. YOU have got to take care of yourself Sue.


    Liked by 1 person

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