I wish……

step off bro i got this.jpg

I do wish………for a day, an hour…..someone else would take over worrying about Nick. And let me be me again.

grief never ends

I would like to be ‘us’ for a day. For an hour. Without this cancer thing hanging over our heads. The benefit was a good success and we really enjoyed seeing SO many of our friends there! It was wonderful. Ask me sometime about the ONLY people who did any bitching. Betcha got that figured out already, don’tcha?? His child keeps putting in his cards “We are counting on you to beat this cancer.” It upsets Nick but apparently that doesn’t matter. Or they wouldn’t do this. It sets him up to fail. So it frustrates him because what more can he do?

Nick is at Chemo right now. Then he’s off to Jefferson for the car show/swap meet. He feels pretty good when he’s hopped up on steroids and anti nausea meds. That usually lasts 2 days. But his crashes are not nearly as bad as they were. He’ll be home later Saturday then we are off to STARSHIP at Black River Falls. 9pm concert…..it will be interesting to see if he actually makes it thru the whole thing without snoring. I’ll just hold him upright.

CT Scan last Thursday says the tumors have not shrunk…..but they have not grown either. So maybe, even tho the Chemo has been so sporadic, it’s still working…? And by working, I mean holding off the inevitable and giving him the time he would like to have…..because of where the tumors are….being cured is NOT an option.

And we both hate being reminded of that all the time. It’s hard enough as it is….

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4 Responses to I wish……

  1. fredrieka says:

    being a caregiver you do lose yourself. Similarly to having an infant. Hang in there.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes, I know exactly where you are coming from.

    Liked by 1 person

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