Apparently I forgot to title this one!! ugh


They put Nick on a new regime of Chemo a couple months back. Every Friday…..or so I thought.

Now, they are going to do Chemo 3 weeks on, one week off. The Scan 10 days ago shows that the Cancer has not shrunk…….but it has not grown. I may have told y’all this already but I am seriously brain fried lately with all that we had to do for the benefit. I’m glad that is behind us so Nick and I can go back to normal…..whatever the hell THAT is.

He’s put on some weight. Not much but I do think every pound helps. He got as high as 117lbs but is now hovering around 114-115lbs.

He just sleeps when he crashes. So he’s changed his chemo to Fridays. He’s hopped up on Steroids and Anti Nausea meds from Friday to Sunday night. Which means we can actually DO something on the weekends instead of me sitting there watching him sleep. Maybe we can have SOME semblance of a life. Not what I expected when he and I married….but we are together…for as long as God wills.

Megann really hopes he makes it to her wedding. Sept 10th she and Trav will tie the knot. I hope he does too. I hope he makes it longer, too. After Christmas would be nice.  We are trying to live every day like it’s his last….which can be heartbreaking.  Sometimes we just sit on the futon, me holding him…and soon I hear his gentle snoring signalling that he’s crashed again. I just hold him…and stroke what is left of his hair. It’s coming out in handfuls of 8-10 strands every time I run my fingers thru it… then I stop. He wants to shave his head. I won’t let him…..funny thing is his hair is thinning equally. It’s not leaving huge bald spots like *gasp* in the movies cause we all know how real THAT can be….*

He’s getting very bored sitting home…..alone….every day. I don’t blame him. He doesn’t have enough energy for housework. Putting the dishes away out of the dishwasher taxes his strength. Even carrying in the bag with 3 lightweight sleeping bags and a blanket in it….did him in.

And it’s hard not to step in and do it for him. He needs to feel needed and useful. So I do my best to let that happen.

And it’s heartbreaking…….

Posted in Me

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