Because I am an AWESOME wife……



I set up for Nick to “Play with” this for the weekend. Kind of “it’s on his bucket list, help me fulfill it?” kind of thing.

2016 F150 with 2.7 Eco-boost engine. Blue Flame. 33 miles on it when I picked her up on Friday night.


$49.945.00…… or ….on sale for $39,472.00


I had to take her back this morning.

I almost cried.

Nick is not doing well. He dropped to 109.5lbs Saturday morning. This really hits his mental state.

Sunday evening, I was in the living room with the TV on and I was on the phone with my friend Jon. All of a sudden, I could hear Nick in the bathroom, trying not to scream in pain. I told Jon “I gotta go. Something’s wrong.” clicked off, threw the phone and ran to the bathroom. There is Nick, leaning on the wall gasping in pain.

Yes, he was on time with his meds.

This is getting worse by the day now.

I’ll be calling the doctor today. We are having good HOURS. Not good days now.

I just got off the phone with him. Same pain this morning just trying to slide a window closed.

This can’t be good.

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PeRfEcT way to put it….


I love people for a lot of different reasons. Mostly because I generally just love people.

The joy they can bring into my life, the way they can make me smile, giggle or belly laugh.

The simple things like sitting around the kitchen table having a glass of wine or 6. *hic* , helping me plant trees, move flowers, or just sitting on my ‘verONda’ with me.

Listening, holding me, or just being there when I’m losing it. Words of advise, comfort and care.

I have some wonderful people in my life. And I hope they know how wonderful they are….

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Maybe not so much anymore…..

I am a strong woman but.jpg

………..because I’m finding myself becoming more and more angry. We can’t go out to eat. We can’t drive more than an hour. We can’t eat food done on the grill. We can’t do this. We can’t do that. Nothing anymore…but sit together. And sleep in the same bed.

We’ve been a very active couple …………so this forced ‘nothingness’ is hard to take. I’ve put on another 10 lbs and am vigorously trying to REMOVE it now that it’s walk-able weather outside. It’s just one more thing that makes me angry. This menopause bullshit is for the birds. Actually I could care less about all of that except the fact it drops your metabolism down to NOTHING. I feel like crap and it’s hard to be upbeat for Nick. Very hard.

He’s getting weaker; and he is down to 111lbs as of this morning. And I’m feeling more and more lost as to how to help him.

This sucks.

Big time.

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One day……

one day I will be an old woman.jpg

I hope I inspire my grandchildren to take a journey …… that neither their parents nor I have taken. I love to travel and see new places. I hope they do too.

In other news, Nick is all pissed off *welcome to MY world* about his trip to the grocery store yesterday. Seems they gave him the 5% senior citizen discount…without asking.


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And yet…..


I’m not sure I like heading where I have no choice.

I can only see it being ‘more important’ because it will make me a stronger person. I will lose Nick. Sooner than later. I am not ready for that. I’ll never be ready for that.

I say that now…but I know watching him suffer will take its toll on me. And I’ll pray for a peaceful and dignified end for him, no matter the pain it costs me.

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