I need a break

its during the worst of times that you see true colors.jpg

I’m just too tired for words.

Nick is not doing well. He did not bounce back from this crash this time and he goes in again tomorrow for more Chemo.

Unless, of course, this not bouncing back means his blood #’s are off again.

This is so frustrating. Family just doesn’t get it. People calling all hours of the day instead of letting him sleep. And guess who gets the brunt of it ? Not them for being so fucking clueless.

No idea what is going on inside. He’s hurting and won’t take more than 2 Oxy’s. He’s afraid of getting addicted. That’s not an issue anymore honey.

Clinic is making appointments on top of appointments ALREADY IN THEIR SYSTEM….wtf is that about? Why would you schedule an Endoscopy in the hospital 15 minutes after he starts his 3 hour stint getting Chemo in the Cancer Center?

Don’t make me lose faith!!!

too late.

I am living in a roller coaster and I want to get off. I never did like those damn things anyway.


About Boo

Grandmother to 10....no 11....or is it 12 now? Getting back into life after losing the love of my life to cancer. Read my struggles with daily life........or don't. But I hope it helps ONE person get thru the same thing I went thru......
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24 Responses to I need a break

  1. Thomas says:

    Scream theropy, I use it!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. fredrieka says:

    Arm chair quarter backs are the worst. Those who micromanage everything. Hubby’s sister is like that. When I was taking care of her mom it was an every night phone call from Iowa to be sure I was doing a good job.
    What really ticked me is she has never been married, never had a pet, never had kids, never owned a house. So she never had to take care of anything or anyone one in her entire life except herself. I finally told her to F off… Hubby wouldn’t .. Ha! How insulting.. sad thing is she did not stop.
    I get what you are saying here. You will look back and know you did a good job.. Screw the rest of them

    Liked by 1 person

    • Boo says:

      They aren’t here. So they don’t know. And Nick won’t tell them anything. He ‘glosses’ it over. Right now I just want to be left alone. And that feeling is getting worse.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. joliesattic says:

    I was going to suggest screaming but someone beat me to it! It’s times like these when all hell breaks loose and watch out to anyone who gets in the way. Too bad for them. Next time family starts, just say, “Thank you, I’m so glad you’re offering to help. I do need a break, how long you plannin’ on staying?” Make it as sticky sweet as you can get it.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Your world has turned into a nightmare that no one would want to go through. Those family members and people who keep calling and not letting Nick rest have no idea what it is like to walk in his/your shoes.
    Nick could turn the phone off for when he is tired or needs to rest.
    I love [not] family members who will call and tell you what needs to be done.
    So go stand outside and scream and throw things. I don’t know what else you could do.
    Un-like it that Nick is not feeling better.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Boo says:

      ….and it’s Chemo day again today. He’s so wiped out yet I’m thinking he won’t be having it. I’m watching slowly fade away……………and they keep saying to him “We are all counting on you to beat this!”

      Talk about setting up for failure. Apparently the “he’s stage 4 and terminal” means he’s going to be ok ONLY if HE put enough effort into it. And they will be really disappointed later if he doesn’t……



      • They obviously don’t understand stage 4, and the term terminal. You can’t fight it, except with chemicals and at a certain point chemicals don’t even help. He will slowly fade away and that is the truth they need to hear.
        The comment about worrying about becoming addicted? I know my mom’s life partner said the same about morphine. She finally said to him that ‘his addiction’ wouldn’t last forever and that in the end he’d beat any addiction he had. Odd how when she said that he was okay with taking his meds.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. What no contact from people ‘who cared’ since the benefit? Pfft on them. You can pick friends but not family. When Rich was sick my mom gave me some much ‘un-needed’ advice so much so ,… that I didn’t bother calling her for months.
    Rich’s family was ‘afraid’ to call. So I’d call or email the grands and set up a video chat for Rich, that way it was controlled and he felt good enough to talk.
    Most of the time he didn’t.
    Here’s some hugs for you today.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. yellowrose001 says:

    Chemo is hard on the body..really hard, but because of Chemo many people are able to beat cancer. Because Chemo is so hard on the body..the body becomes weak, even violently ill before getting better. I’ve seen the “fading” you are talking about. It’s the Chemo trying to defeat the cancer. So much tiredness …lots of rest and a healthy diet is needed even though Nick may not feel much like eating. I like Living’s comment up there about turning the phones off while you are away at work so Nick can rest. Those family members should give you a break, help out with the chores during the day while you are at work. Ready made homecooked meals would help too..

    Liked by 1 person

    • Boo says:

      That would be awesome. Never gonna happen. They stay at THEIR house and call from a safe distance.


      • yellowrose001 says:

        That’s just crap isn’t it..they could still help and keep their distance at the same time. I’m sorry boo..you really don’t need their help if that is how they are going to be.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Boo says:

        I don’t need their help. I can’t ask them to help so our friends do instead…….(while wondering why family doesn’t) It’s ok. I made alone before, I’ll make it alone later.


  7. yellowrose001 says:

    Sometimes friends feel more like family than family does…


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