its hard when you miss someone but you were lucky enough to have someone worth missing

For some reason, lately I’ve been wired when I get home and I cannot sleep. Last night it was after 11pm again. Nick hates it when I stay up later. He just wants me in bed to cuddle. Which I get. But I’d also rather let him get sleep. I would just lay there tossing and turning.

Last night, I finally went into bed after 11pm. Nick had rolled over on his right side so there was room for me to snuggle in behind him. He wants me to hold him as he is SO cold all the time. So I snuggled up behind him and started stroking his hair, just holding him close.

And discovered how little hair there is left. Wisps here and there but actually pretty uniform over his head. He has not lost CLUMPS that have left holes yet it is so thin, becoming grey….

And he is so thin. It’s heartbreaking. I laid there and sobbed.

So last night it hit … how am I going to take care of him? This is going to be beyond anything I’ve had to do over the last 20+ years. It makes the alcoholic thing look like a piece of cake. We’ve had some pretty rough patches over the last 22-23 years….and yet somehow we’ve always made it thru them.

This time it’s lookin’ kinda iffy..


About Boo

Grandmother to 10....no 11....or is it 12 now? Getting back into life after losing the love of my life to cancer. Read my struggles with daily life........or don't. But I hope it helps ONE person get thru the same thing I went thru......
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11 Responses to Heartbreaking….

  1. blogmomrocks2 says:

    I can’t even imagine:(

    Liked by 1 person

  2. fredrieka says:

    It is amazing how capable we are. Myself I had a role model. My mom took care of my grandmother. I was her helper. Then My mom took care of my dad. I was her helper. Then I took care of mom. I felt like an out of body experience. I went through the motions everything that needed to be done. I did not feel the fatigue. Could not sleep. The night she passed I was in the room when she took her last breath. I walked around like a zombie for at least a month. I am telling you this so you know it is normal.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. A Perfectmindstorm says:

    You will find the strength Boo, and the way to get through this . Hugsss ♥

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is hard, no one can prepare you for what is the unknown yet the both of you are going down this ‘path’ together.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Boo says:

      This is so hard….I can’t plan anything together, so hard to DO anything together any distance from home….the frustration level is beyond…..


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