I have this photo frame …….

nick and old west up close

…..sitting on my desk.

And I look at it. Occasionally.

But for some reason today, I really looked at it.

Notice the top photo?

 

Today when I looked at that photo, I just about lost it. I remember those shoulders and arms. I remember how they used to hold me. I remember how he could fix/lift/do anything.

Now I’m afraid of hugging for fear of breaking them.

And it’s beyond depressing knowing they are never gonna look like that again. And that’s what hit me today. I get that people change. Lord knows I’m not that slim gorgeous thing on the bar anymore either…..but still.

The second photo was from the same weekend.

*heavy sigh*

We were in the Dells. And that was such fun.

I bought him a drover coat after that photo was taken. I now have 3 in my closet. They are a perfect coats for rainy weather at Jefferson. And I can’t get him to wear these nice warm coats. He’s gotta wear that ugly plastic thing the hood is coming off of and won’t keep him dry. (the mother in me coming out.)

He’s getting weaker every day. And having good ‘hours’ instead of ‘days’. This scares the shit outta me…………I have no idea what to expect.

Really should find a support group………….somewhere. Even if I have to start my own….

Happy Fri wait its Thurs

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21 Responses to I have this photo frame …….

  1. Ronda says:

    A support group sounds like a great idea, they would know what to say to you (unlike me) plus they been there, done that……. Hugsssss and love to you! ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I still belong to this group: CancerCompass
    They were very helpful.
    https://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/caregivers/1,0,122.htm
    I still visit occasionally as someone else needs to know they are not alone in this world.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. joliesattic says:

    Yeah. It’s hard to know what the right thing to say is. I understand though. Been there, done that but not in the same way. Not an easy thing to go through, for sure. Prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. fredrieka says:

    You express yourself so very well. It is good. There are many support groups some in churches some through Hospice, Check with the hospital you use they normally have one as well. This way you have a choice and decided which one fits who you are

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I do not think Palliative Care does but I believe that if you talk to them they will help you figure out how to take care of things and may even convince Nick that indeed he needs to have more medical help in a way as having a visiting nurse or they will explore what is available. At one point when he cannot be alone any more he will need 24 hr care and you will have to find the best route for that.
    I don’t know what is available in your health system as I deal with the VA and their social workers, but you have to be very very proactive and persistent.
    Or talk to them at Hospice care I see they have an informational site.
    I guess the best thing would be to talk to his Social Worker or case worker.
    He is reaching the point where when surviving hours are a big thing and this needs to be addressed not just with a chemo doc or cancer doc but someone who can help both of you deal with it.
    Just be pushy and be a nag.

    Liked by 1 person

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