It’s not even 10am yet????

I just want to be home. There are days when I wonder if we are looking at weeks.

Then he rallies and I’m thinking months? a year yet?

Nick’s favorite place to be…..just touching me.

nick on my lap

Head on my lap. Laying up against me. I can’t lay up against him as his abdomen is so tender and sore, holding my hand, his hand on my leg. Anything as long as we are touching. All he wants to do it cuddle.

And apologize….for us not being able to do anything. Anything but cuddle on the couch. We go to church twice in 6 weeks if we are lucky. We try to do normal things on weekends like go out to eat, shop, visit somewhere within an hours drive…… Right now we are going to Grad Parties. We have 2 on Saturday. We’ll go to the first one, he’ll eat something, get sick, we’ll go home and he will sleep for 4 hours while I wander around lost. I don’t know if we’ll make the second one. We didn’t last weekend. I had to go to the second one alone. Which, in this case, was OK. But I detest doing things alone.

And now it’s 1pm. I’m still here. And today I’m glad I am. I ran across a link in the news today to the powerful letter that was read out loud, in court, for all the world to hear, to that the worthless felon Brock Allen Turner by the strong young woman he assaulted and raped and yes, LIED about. What a WONDERFUL letter for all the wrong reasons. She should NOT have had to write it. Period.  All young women should read it…..and learn from it,  that there are boys out there (not men, even at that age, when they do irresponsible things like this) that JUST don’t get it.

cry in the shower because i know exactly how it feels

I just want to hug her and tell her she will get thru it. That the pain will dull with time. You learn to COPE, you just never forget. That it will always seem ‘like it happened yesterday’ even when it was years ago…………

Pink Scarf

My current crochet project. I’m just lovin’ this stitch!! I used a larger crochet hook and believe it or not, it’s softer, snugglyier? and more fluid……I just really love it. It’s going to make someone’s neck VERY warm next winter……Almost done and I’ll be onto the next one!!

I need to get some dialogue going about what to do when things get ‘complicated’ toward the end. I’m hoping that won’t be for a very long time yet, and then there are days I wonder if he’ll make it thru the night…living in the unknown…………

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7 Responses to It’s not even 10am yet????

  1. fredrieka says:

    dialogue with someone who is in denial is tough. Start a dialogue with a social worker even one that may be working with Hospice she may give you some queues

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There is no easy answer to working with that dialogue. Some people are not open to the idea of death and dying. We have had those conversations in our house and oddly enough both of us were open and accepting to the fact that we would eventually die and we wanted to be in control of that.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Boo says:

    Every time I try to talk to him about this I get “You’ve got me in the ground already!” So I stopped.

    Like

    • He sees it that way and you can’t change his outlook which is sad. Our conversations happened pre-cancer. And we had to face those decisions when we drew up our estate.
      I can see his point right now, but I think he is of the mind that if he talks about what ‘the end’ will be like, then he feels he has given up.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Boo says:

        I won’t try to change his outlook. It’s the same reason he won’t find out about Hospice. To him that’s the end.

        Like

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