I have had more than one friend tell me “I’m glad you are writing a journal on this.”
I learned 20 plus years ago, how mentally helpful it is to write out the stuff that swirls in your head.
Or like my therapist at the time told me…it’s like a train on a track. Going ’round and ’round….
She was right.
And after I started writing down all the crap in my head, I started feeling better. Less stressed, less frantic I may forget something.
I had SO many facts to keep in order during my divorce. Names, dates, places. I could count on every fall when he got laid off for the winter, SOME kind of court paperwork would land on my desk. How many years of being on High Alert? I get what PTSD is all about.
At the same time, Nick’s child and his, well, whatever you want to call her, were doing everything they could to put both Nick and I in jail, up to and including so pretty PERVERSE shit. (Why THEY weren’t prosecuted for some of the crap they filed falsely, I’ll NEVER know. And no longer care.)
All the stuff going on and the thoughts in my head were literally like a train on a track in my head. And as I wrote stuff out in my journal (hand wrote…no computer then) I found the train got shorter and shorter. (One day I’ll burn those journals)
Until one day it was gone.
Now with all this stuff about Nick’s cancer going on, I was already writing a journal about it in an almost daily email to a bunch of people. When a member of Nick’s family made the mistake of telling me how I was going to run MY house, that stopped. I had found another blog site which became too damn toxic for words so I move almost everything over to this site. I can type and type and type and if you read it? Hey, cool! If you don’t? It’s not for nothing because……
….I don’t have a train going ’round and ’round in my head.
And that’s what matters to me.