Yesterday was pretty rough….

….I called home about 1pm. LF answered the phone. (some know who that is, others……no need to worry)

“Where’s Nick?” I asked…wondering why he answered the phone instead of it going to voicemail.

“He’s in the bathroom.” OK, have him call me right away.

20 minutes later, Nick still hadn’t called so I called back.

LF again answered the phone. (Grrrr)

“Where’s Nick???” He’s still in the bathroom……He’s been in there like half an hour (like that fact JUST dawned on him)

I almost screamed into the phone GO CHECK ON HIM!!! (this apparently never occurred to LF till I told him to do it.) All I could see in my mind was Nick slumped on the floor.

Nick had been in the bathroom for over a half hour, nauseous, throwing up clear (not good) and then there was blood in it.

Hospice was finally called, Mark came out, got him situated and back on track. Nick slept most of the afternoon. Mark strongly suggested he get BACK on his anti nausea meds. They doubled his liquid Morphine. Oxycodone….he’s been taking ONE with the Morphine tablet. I made him take 2 LIKE THE LABEL SAYS!

When I got home, he was sitting in my green wing back chair. Looking like death warmed over. His color was so off, he looked like he was ready to tip over onto the floor. His voice, once so strong, is now barely audible. I dropped my bags(not a good idea with ceramic cups inside) and ran to him. He couldn’t find the remote. “I was on the couch but I couldn’t find the remote. I don’t know where it went….? Sue, I can hardly walk.” He was totally wiped out.

I grabbed the remote for him (was right next to where he was sitting on the couch), got him back on the couch, and just sat down and held him.

I think everything is coming to a head…..fast.

Peace and dignity. That’s all I ask.