…..to MY journey thru recovery. I’ve barely started.
I miss Nick. Desperately. I always will. We were the other half of each other. So incomplete when we were alone. Even when we were fighting and broke up…only to get back together.
Will I ever find a love like that again? That intense? That frustrating? That fulfilling?
Will I have that kind of friendship? I don’t know. I’d like to find out……but on my terms. I find myself thinking “I gotta tell Nick about this when I get……home.” There are times when this hits me like a brick wall and I simply cannot breathe.
And yet, I’m finding being alone…..isn’t so bad at times, because right now I have so much to do, it’s keeping me busy. As long as I stay busy, I’m OK. Maybe I’ll make it thru this……
But when it’s dark out, and I can no longer put off going to bed…..that’s when the memories start.
My grandson had gone home mid afternoon Sunday. I had Fred check out a lawn mower and get one going for me so I can trim around the buildings and trees. Then Penny came and I got a gift sorted. I worked on more Thank you notes. Due to some changes, my internet isn’t working just right and I have no Netflix right now. So, regular TV it was…with nothing on. So I watched a movie instead. …………… Marilyn Hotchkiss’ Ballroom Dancing & Charm School. I adore Robert Carlyle. So it was a pleasant evening. In the oblivion of a movie. There is a scene in this movie that brought back some intense memories.
Then I went to bed. The memories flood over me. I see his photo next to the bed and I just stare at it…wondering if it’s true or he’s just gone for a car show/swap meet. Then it hits me.
And I miss him anew.