Days, evenings, and nights

Days … I do alright most of the day. I have my job and phones, co-workers and customers that keep me occupied. Some want to tell me they are sorry for my loss. And during the day I can take it. We chat a bit about Nick and they go on their way. I go back to work and think about what they’ve said, look at our photo on my desk.

And miss him.

Evenings … I have so many things to do to get my house back in order after 8 months of not being able to do MY stuff. I was so focused on caring for Nick that my house is a disaster. I’m getting 3 new windows installed today so I have no CHOICE but to get the dining room done tonight. So many things to sort thru and throw away.

And miss him.

Nights … those are so hard. I climb into bed and I’m alone. The dog hops up and sleeps on the bottom corner of his side. The cat can’t leave me alone now. He’s all over me all night. He may get banned.

I lay there….thinking of him, holding his robe close, crying now, and looking at the photo of us on his dresser. Memories flood over me. I think of how he talked with me, held me, loved me, and that heartbeat so strong.

And I miss grateful for every day




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I guess I haven’t written today….

…thought I had. I’m tired today.

I had a LONG talk with one of his brothers yesterday. Told him just what I thought. By the end of the conversation we were both crying. But it was a good talk. I hope. I have nothing against him. HE didn’t do anything nasty at the wake or funeral.

Anyway, I sent a letter off to the Attorney General of the State of Minnesota today, asking that the child be investigated for fraud.

I said I was done.

I meant it.

Last night, Matteo stayed with me. We went up to the cemetery so he could say Good Bye in his own way. It was a bittersweet evening. SO wonderful to have him back here and yet so sad for the reason.

We had such a great evening. First we went to the cemetery like he wanted. Then off to the VFW in Winona for one of the BESTEST hamburgers around!! He loved it.

Then we went to my son’s house and the kids were so happy to see their Italian Uncle. I have no idea why but I took NO photos! aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh…………

Then we went to my daughter’s house. Ry opened the door. “Hi Gramma Booboo.” Then his eyes got SOOOOOOOOO wide…..’MATTEO!!!” and he ran and jumped into his arms! I was about crying. Matteo took it all in stride. He cares about my grandkids. He’s got a warm and welcoming heart. I’m very proud he is my ‘son’.

We finally got home around 10:30pm.

Earlier, he had handed me his backpack to put in the back seat. It was so HEAVY. I found out why when we got home.

“I have some things for you.”  I reminded him I just wanted some real Parmesan.

Pulls out a little package with a cupcake soap in it that smells SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good!

Then he pulls out 2 packages of Parm.

Then he pulls out a bottle. Limoncello. OMG. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! More on that in a minute.

Then he pulls out a book. “From my mom and me. Read it when you have a moment or two.”

I gave him a big hug. And thanked him again for being here. It means so much because he is such a gentle soul and I think mine can tell that. We talked almost non-stop from the moment I picked him up.

Then I looked at him. Looked at the bottle of Limoncello. And grabbed two crystal glasses.

A toast.

To Nick.

And to Matteo being here.

My heart is so much lighter today.

Thank you dear son. I love you.Limoncello-di-Capri-molinari-800x800

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It was a rough night last night….

………….and I wasn’t really alone in the fact that Laurie stopped by, chatted a bit while she fixed her check.

And Nancy stopped by and brought me a stuffed green pepper. OMG YUM! Yes, I ate.

And Jon called and talked for 1 hour and 8 minutes. He’s called almost every night. He is really taking this hard.

And people were texting, WhatsApping and Facebook Messengering, and and and…

……….I got nothing done.


Don’t get me wrong….I love that people are not letting me sit and stew…but if you come over? Help me get some crap sorted….and photos taken so I can get this stuff online and sold. I have 2 years of stuff to do because I spent two years taking care of Nick and not my house.

My basement is a DISASTER! Who’s game!!?? ugh

Something or someone was lurking outside my bedroom window last night. Jegs was so restless and he kept looking at the window, then he jump off the bed and RAN for the front door. I let him out and he hightailed it to the back of the house. I didn’t hear him fight or bark so whatever/whomever it was, had already left.

I don’t need that right now either.

So falling asleep last night …………didn’t happen. Not easily. I think it’s the first time I cried myself to sleep.

And man I can feel it today.

Something just welled up in me and I lost it.

I miss him.

You DID spend the rest of your life with me



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I haven’t been here much…..

….but I’ve had a lot to deal with in the last 10 days.

The worst being Nick’s child.

Read on.

This child is beyond pathetic. I find it very difficult to believe that Nick sired such a twit.

Within 2 hours after his father passed, he had plastered all over Facebook about his father dying. How he was there for him. How he missed him. He had left at 10:30pm after spending most of the day and evening out on the screen porch, complaining how the cops are now targeting Hispanics. I can’t get that lucky with him and his mother. I finally kicked most of them out so I could rest and care for him without people shaking Nick and demanding that he “Answer me!”

Soon after his father’s former employer open at 8am Friday morning, he was at their door demanding the money from the life insurance policy. There are still 2 premiums due to his former employer. He will need to pay them first. Instead of paying them, he gave her his phone #. And getting the money is not instant. Welcome to reality.

Later that VERY SAME day, he posted on Facebook that any and all memorials were to be made out to him and mailed to him at his PO box. This is Fraud and illegal.

At the wake, 5 minutes before it was OVER, he comes up to me and says “Where are all the photos of me and my dad?” I don’t have any. Yes, you do. NO, I DON’T. If YOU forgot to bring any, that is NOT my fault. Then his bitch mother decided to join in. “Do we have a problem?” Yes, bitch. YOU are the problem, My son ran them both out of the funeral home. I shouldn’t have to deal with this!

Nick didn’t put out photos of his child. Period. Deal with it.

No one has seen him shed a tear yet. Yet EVERYONE is telling me how he’s working so hard for all the memorial money and the life insurance. He even pissed off the funeral director bugging him to get the death certificate done. This was BEFORE the funeral.

At the funeral he had a eulogy to read. It was such a pack of crap. “I called my father 2 times a week. After he got more ill, it was 3 to 5 times per week.” What? Really? You want to stick with this story? You want to continue to say you were there to comfort him? You don’t know HOW to comfort him. I was there. You weren’t. He listed all the people that would miss Nick “Family, friends, co-workers, car club members, former classmates.” Talk about REACHING (Nick never went to ONE class reunion, most didn’t know where he was.) for everyone but me. However, he doesn’t realize I’m “family and car club members.” There were so many lies in there. After the funeral he was running around asking all of our friends who don’t know him, HOW DID YOU LIKE MY SPEECH?? Our friends don’t know the child. He did not spend time with us when we were with them. Most people were pretty angry and embarrassed by his words and actions. One of my friends said it was all he could do not to stand up and go punch him in the face.

I will have to talk to the police dept in his town so I can get one of the car keys back for the Lincoln his father signed over to him. It’s still in my shed. I will also have the cop hand him the letter that he will be investigated if he doesn’t hand over any and all monies he received with his little fraud like post on Facebook.

One foot on my property gets him arrested now.

I feel so sad for Nick. I’m just glad he didn’t see what his child has done so soon after he left me.

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