I feel so lost…..?

I go home at night after work……and he’s not there.

I go to bed at night. ….. and he’s not there.

I get up in the morning ……………and he’s not there……

His essence is. His memories are.

Photos of him are all over and his robe sleeps with me.

The pillow case he last laid his head on is on my bed…and at night I curl around it.

It doesn’t seem like it….but I’m doing better. The ‘losing it days’ are getting further apart. He will always be with me. He will always be a part of me.

And I find I don’t want to write about him as much as I want to explore my new life…………that sadly, no longer includes him.

I will go visit him at Mill Creek often. I may not tell you all about it. I go visit friends. We don’t talk much about him anymore. And that’s OK. Because he’ll always be there…..his presence was that big to us.

I have a friend who lets me sleep in his arms. Not at my house. Not in our bed. And we just sleep. It’s comforting to be able to trust. And to be held. To cry if I need to. I’m a long way from any kind of new relationship. He and I both know it. My emotions are too all over the board for anything. He’s my friend. He knew Nick. He knows our history.

And he’s giving me what I need right now.



About Boo

Grandmother to 10....no 11....or is it 12 now? Getting back into life after losing the love of my life to cancer. Read my struggles with daily life........or don't. But I hope it helps ONE person get thru the same thing I went thru......
This entry was posted in Me. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to I feel so lost…..?

  1. fredrieka says:

    Blissful comfort is a needful thing

    Liked by 1 person

  2. A Perfectmindstorm says:

    Just hugs ♥

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Boo says:

    And then I have a SECOND night…………………oh man.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s