I made it thru the night!! Edited….

I didn’t think I would.

grief-is-the-last-act-of-love

But I have recognized that I just need to do this at my own pace.

No one can or needs to rush me or dismiss my feelings of pain, grief, anger, sadness……

I decided I needed to clarify a bit on this ‘making it thru the night’ thing.

My brother is in ICU in Winona. THAT in and of itself is scary as that hospital is known as ‘the place to go to die.’ He is taking Chemo for almost basically the same cancer Nick had. He is also diabetic. Not only is the chemo making him sick as it is well known for….his insulin is ALSO making him ill. He hasn’t eaten in 3 days because anything but water comes right back up. He was ‘burning up’ and yet his skin was beyond cold to the touch and his body temp was 96°. His blood sugars were over 800, 600 by mid afternoon and down to 300 by 6pm last night….where they have stayed now. When I walked into the room….He asked “Who are you?”

I stayed for almost 2 hours. Then I had to leave. I told Pat (gf) that I can’t do this again so soon. I sat there and cried so it was time to leave. Hospitals are just too fresh and raw for me yet.

Then I get a text from my cousin M. E is refusing a transplant. So they’ve given her 2 years and M wonders if she will last that long. E’s on almost straight oxygen she’s getting so much. She can’t do stairs, she can barely walk without getting winded. If I lose her so soon after Nick…? find me a padded room. I’ve lost enough.

Nick, Barry & Joan died, a friend M just up and left me, brother is so ill and he’s talking of stopping Chemo. E….is just struggling to survive and on so much oxygen DON’T light a match within a 100′ of her. I’m watching my mom have such a hard time walking I’m waiting to hear she’s gone down and broke something again. My uncle turns 90 and doing well, my other uncle is 87 and we are wondering about him. His sister, my aunt, is 93 and seems to be going downhill fast.

I think 2017 is gonna suck……..just as bad as 2016.

Y’all have a NICE day!

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3 Responses to I made it thru the night!! Edited….

  1. littlewhip says:

    Everyone grieves at their own pace, and in their own way, Sue. This is all still so fresh, and with the wedding so close now, (and read about your brother, too, damn…) emotions are going to run high all around. Then the holidays loom, and those are going to be tough, too.

    Hang in there. The best you can. And if that’s not good enough for other people, feel free to tell them to piss off!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. joliesattic says:

    Your plate is definitely full!

    Liked by 1 person

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