His boots……

I know I wasn’t planning on writing about Nick much anymore. But last night hit me like a truck.

The rod almost came off the wall again in my closet. (damn thing) So it was time to do something. I took all my tops/dresses/sweaters out of my closet. Plus the half closet/half dresser thingymabob I had. Amoire but I can’t spell it…? It’s been delivered to my friend H, she is redoing my bedroom in to MY bedroom. I can’t sleep in OUR bedroom anymore.

Holy buckets Batman!

clothes

And that is only about half. Time to thin the herd I’d say. Sheesh!

So I’ve been looking for things I know will fit Earn and the grandsons. I’d sorted out Nick’s sock drawer, thermals, and jeans last week or so, T-shirts were in a box. Slowly working my way thru things.

Last night, I picked up a couple totes and started in on his side of closet. Almost every shirt I pulled out had a powerful memory attached to it. I put the sweater he was wearing when we got married in a protective box. I found his dark blue work shirt….that when he wore it and his faded blue jeans…OMG that man was even sexier, I could resist nothing he asked. Didn’t WANT to.

I found the thermal he was wearing in this photo.  God we were young. He is so handsome.

christmas-94

The cream button down in this one,too…..I don’t know where that suit coat is……I still have that dress. I can’t get rid of it.

april-95

…..By the time I got to the floor I was drained. I found his cowboy boots……

Then…..

I found these.

Nicks boots.jpeg

And became a helpless puddle on my bed. The tears just flowed for over an hour.

Nick finally bought 2 pair of work boots a couple years ago so he didn’t have to search for shoes. It was always a job to find ones he could wear while standing on concrete 9 hours a day. He was never to wear these. He got sick not long after we went on this shopping trip.

They have NEVER been out of the box. I didn’t even take them out last night. Just flipped up the lid…

…and lost it.

Kevin showed up to fix the rod in the closet and I could barely get up to wave him in. Laid back on the bed and the tears kept flowing. He asked if I was alright. I said no. I’m sure he felt pretty helpless, but I was beyond caring.

So he just held me. And I continued to cry. Couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t see.

I hurt.

Like I didn’t know a body could hurt and still be sane.

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4 Responses to His boots……

  1. Boo, I remember when my Dad passed, and before he did, he gave all us boys something he treasured. I forget what he gave my brothers, but he gave me a bottle opener. It was shaped like a womans leg, I had it chromed, and it is a part of my keychain that I will pass on to one of my sons… I remember mom cleaning out his closet, and her reaction was much like yours. Sadly, we all have those that pass on before us, and the ones left behind have that hole, that we never can fill, but all those things in that closet is a memory, good or bad, and when they move on, those are the things we can look back on and smile or even cry. Those memories tell us their lives were not wasted, they lived, they loved, and that is what we have…… (((HUGS)))

    Liked by 1 person

  2. When I helped clean out my dad’s things it was hard. I did keep two shirts of his the one’s we used to tell him how ugly they were. We don’t stop loving and missing them, but we do eventually move on down the road.

    Liked by 1 person

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