I see the signs he’s still with me. I just want him here.
You were numb before but now it’s hit, but this too will pass. Like I’ve said before, as others have, these feelings will come in waves. Pretend you’re a surfer and ride them. At first it’ll be bumpy, you may even fall but then you’ll get good at it and you will be fine.
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I don’t like the thought I have to ‘get good at it’ but I know that’s true.
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I think sometimes there’s a level of guilt in “getting good at it”, because there’s this sense that you “forget” and that makes us feel guilty but it isn’t that at all. The pain will fade but the memories will not hurt as they do now. In fact at times, they will bring a smile to your face. A mistake people often make is giving it too much prominence. Yes, grieve. It’s good for you, then assign it a place.
Trying to learn that now….
Boo, I wrote a long comment to this this morning and hit something on my computer and it all disappeared. I am going through a tsunami of my own right now , and though it is not a death, it feels like it to me . I will write an email sometime and tell you about it, but for now just know that there is no timetable on grief and letting go. Everyone grieves and moves on in their own time, in their own way. Sure, you feel him still there with you because he is. He will always be in your heart, your mind, your memories, and in your spirit. I believe people don’t really die, they just move on to the next world , a better world. But their energy, their spirit is still alive. My mom died when I was ten. I am sixty-one now and there are times when a wave of grief hits me and I miss her so much. But it gets easier and you do move on and find your way . I think Nick (though I did not know him of course) would want you to move on at your own pace . I know this comment is getting way too long, but I want to tell you something my oh so wise 28 year old son said to me last night. He said that in his short life, he has had pain and heartache that he thought would destroy him, but he learned to “put it in his pocket” and carry it with him , as he walked forward. He said yes, he takes it with him, and sometimes he reaches in and feels it, but he keeps moving forward. That is the way it is with things we can’t do anything about, things we can’t change.
Now this old lady will shut up. Know you have people that love you, even here in the twilight zone
I love you.
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