I need SOMETHING dammit…..


I’m free to do whatever I want. I don’t HAVE to be home at 5pm. I don’t have to answer to anyone. I can see anyone I want, I can do anything I want. And yet I don’t……because I feel lost.

I don’t like feeling lost. Like I don’t have an anchor. Nick was my anchor. Always pulling me home and to him.

I don’t have that anymore.

Earn pulls me home but as my child. Not as my life. Jegs and Sprint too, but as animals that need cared for.

I haven’t been ‘single’ since 1980.

(Oh shuddup you)

Jaysus…when I put it out there, that makes me feel OLD!

I’m not though. I have a lot of life left in me.

One day this wall around my heart will crumble. And I’ll find an anchor again.

I just need patience.


About Boo

Grandmother to 10....no 11....or is it 12 now? Getting back into life after losing the love of my life to cancer. Read my struggles with daily life........or don't. But I hope it helps ONE person get thru the same thing I went thru......
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5 Responses to I need SOMETHING dammit…..

  1. joliesattic says:

    Being alone helps you develop other parts of your brain, Maybe that can be a good thing. My sister has been a lone for long time now, but she said it was hard at first and now its fine. You find new ways to meet people, new ways to be entertained. It strengthens you in ways you didn’t know you were weak in. Before I met Russ, I’d been alone and I was surprised at my ability to become self sufficient. You may surprise yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am pretty self sufficient and I know…bad me…there are days when I wish I didn’t have to answer to anyone at all.
    I’d be letting the house go and hiking, photographing, and riding all day…

    Liked by 1 person

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