I’m free to do whatever I want. I don’t HAVE to be home at 5pm. I don’t have to answer to anyone. I can see anyone I want, I can do anything I want. And yet I don’t……because I feel lost.
I don’t like feeling lost. Like I don’t have an anchor. Nick was my anchor. Always pulling me home and to him.
I don’t have that anymore.
Earn pulls me home but as my child. Not as my life. Jegs and Sprint too, but as animals that need cared for.
I haven’t been ‘single’ since 1980.
(Oh shuddup you)
Jaysus…when I put it out there, that makes me feel OLD!
I’m not though. I have a lot of life left in me.
One day this wall around my heart will crumble. And I’ll find an anchor again.
I just need patience.
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Being alone helps you develop other parts of your brain, Maybe that can be a good thing. My sister has been a lone for long time now, but she said it was hard at first and now its fine. You find new ways to meet people, new ways to be entertained. It strengthens you in ways you didn’t know you were weak in. Before I met Russ, I’d been alone and I was surprised at my ability to become self sufficient. You may surprise yourself.
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I became very self sufficient when I was married to my 1st husband simply because he wasn’t home all week.
Nick and I worked as a team. I miss that.
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Yeah, I understand. When Di moved up to be with us to help care for our parents, she got used to us being a team and going back to being alone again was more difficult at first than when she was younger.
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I am pretty self sufficient and I know…bad me…there are days when I wish I didn’t have to answer to anyone at all.
I’d be letting the house go and hiking, photographing, and riding all day…
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If I had a horse to ride, I’d be gone all the time too. I wouldn’t have my exchange students and my house would be a TOTAL disaster.
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