Last nights voyage into the unknown….

Gawd, Nick has a lot of shit! I really do need to get photos of ‘during’…..which looks worse than ‘before’. There are a lot of things that are going up in to the attic now. They’ll be out of the way and stored. I’m constantly sorting in my head and I need to get some boxes up there first before I can do much more. There are too many boxes in the way. I also need to get boxes to label “garbage!” “magazines to donate” “manuals to keep” “cards and letters” “MORE toy cars”

I found 3 Valentine’s Day cards from him last night. They made me smile thru my tears. Hey, I’m getting better huh? I remember getting these cards and how I felt when he gave them to me. He could be a real romantic. I miss him so.

a-limb-has-fallen

I keep trying to smile and remember he told me repeatedly to go on with my life. Don’t dwell on him. Well, it’s not possible yet. He was a force to reckon with. He was loved by many. Friend to many. My best friend. You can’t NOT miss him. And there is no clear way to move on until I finish with him. Sorting thru all his possessions….that are now mine……is daunting.

julis-sign

He will always be the love of my life. He will always be a presence in my life. He taught me to love. He taught me how to love. He taught me what loving someone was all about. And sometimes those memories get overwhelming. I could tell y’all stories…..

hug-and-stress

Yesterday, I got a bit upset with some things some people were saying about how I am living my life now. I vented in an email to a friend. However I didn’t warn this person first. So………I apologize. I’ll warn ya first next time. Because I’m sure there will be another next time. It’s the nature of the beast called ‘losing a loved one’ and the way emotions can just grab you by the throat and will not let go.

walk-into-a-room-and-wonder-if-i-like-them

I do a lot of stopping, thinking, wondering and evaluating who I want in my life and who I don’t. Just like the bedroom upstairs I’m sorting thru, trying to decide what to keep, what to sell, and what to throw. I already have some people who haven’t spoken to me since Nick’s death. ‘Yer out of here since you proved what a friend YOU are.’ I’m not chasing anyone down to stay friends. If you can’t reach out to me, then I’m done. I have too much to do right now.

I need to simplify my life. And by sorting and removing and throwing and just LIVING…I’m doing that.

I made a decision this morning about these bedroom spaces……I’m going to redo bedroom #3 into a new student room. The room my student is using now? Is GiNORmous…..so I’M taking that one. My beautiful downstairs room? I’ll make into a guest room/office. The front bedroom? will stay the AirBnB and be used for other purposes too.

I need to mix my house up a bit. Moving my bedroom is the LAST thing I will be doing because I plan on enjoying that space as long as I can. I absolutely love it. But it is still my bedroom with Nick.  The color and layout may have changed, but the memories linger when I’m alone at night.

I want to start new. Can I do that? I hope so.

You all have a NICE day!

checking-on-you

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5 Responses to Last nights voyage into the unknown….

  1. A Perfectmindstorm says:

    I think you are doing just fine, one step at a time and one day at a time. As for people saying crap, pay them no mind. This is YOUR journey to walk in whatever way you feel is best for you. They will have their own journey one day and they may have to eat their words.

    Hey, stop looking at my desk ! Wait, I can’t even see my desk …. ugh, time to organize it again, which will last all of a week maybe ??

    Luvs ya ♥♥

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sure it is hard, but to me, it seems you have a handle on it, just one day at a time…. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. People who have not walked in your shoes cannot feel what it is to be you. You live life as Nick told you to.

    Like

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