I think this will be what my Christmas

…..will look like this year.


I don’t have a lot of choice in sticking around for Christmas….but no one says I have to stay sober. Or even go anywhere. Oblivion seems a pretty good looking option right now. After the ‘rents and the g’kids go home or I get home.

I will go though. It’s Earn’s first Christmas here. I am going to do my damnedest to make it good. She deserves it even though this will be incredibly painful for me to sit through. I know someone is going to say “Papa isn’t here.” Last weekend, Lennox asked if we could wake up Papa now.

Thanksgiving was hard. Even though I was in a place with no Nick Thanksgiving memories, there were still memories of us there. After 23 years, there are few places where I don’t see him…

20 weeks on Friday. Months already. I think of sitting on the bench at the cemetery and he’s SO close I could touch him. Sometimes it’s all I can do not to lay on the ground.

Tomorrow is my birthday. The best present would be for him to come to me in a dream I can remember.

a walking goddess.jpg

 Faith is a gift. I can open my hands to receive it. ~HAL


About Boo

Grandmother to 10....no 11....or is it 12 now? Getting back into life after losing the love of my life to cancer. Read my struggles with daily life........or don't. But I hope it helps ONE person get thru the same thing I went thru......
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7 Responses to I think this will be what my Christmas

  1. Ronda says:

    You deserve a Happy Birthday Boo! I hope you get it! ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. fredrieka says:

    Hope you reach for the stars and receive them

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Val Ewing says:

    Happy Birthday Kid!

    Liked by 1 person

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