So it was my birthday yesterday

……….in case you didn’t get that from my last post. After work, I went home, got my wood stove cranked up again. Listened to some music and put dishes away while I waited for my friend Kevin to pick Earn and I up for supper out.

We drove back into LaCrosse, he pulls into the Steak Buffet….and as I’m walking to the door, I spot my brother…………..and his girlfriend ……….and my daughter……..and her husband……….and her son…….and they are sitting at a long table. This was too cool for words…… I walk in and I’m waving at people…..when someone points behind me…………There is the terrible twosome when they get together….Holly and Janet!

I say terrible twosome because look at my card. JUST LOOK AT IT!!front of card.jpeg

f-inside-card

I haven’t laughed this hard in YEARS. The West Texas Jackalope Breeders?? Cival Engineers Association of Detroit???? The Fresno CB’ers?? OMG! It’s the funniest thing I’ve seen in like FOREVER! So totally the opposite of me but still I can appreciate the thought and humor in it. If you THINK you find your name on there? I don’t wanna hear about it!!!

So it was a fun time last night. I was blown away by the party. And those there. It made what should have been a difficult evening easier to bear. I miss Nick with an intensity that surprises me at times. Other times, it’s a mellow damn I wish you were here, I have SO many things to tell you and show you.

After I got home, Kevin and I put up my Christmas tree. It was a long standing tradition in my house that this happens the evening of my birthday. I’m glad it got started up again last night.

The first ornament on was the one I received from the BRF Memorial Hospice program on Tuesday night in Nick’s Memory. Top Center where it belongs. I’m sorry. I thought I got a photo. I guess I didn’t. I’ll get one and put it in the next blog.

step-into-the-life-im-living

I needed more lights on the tree and thought a strand around the bottom and base would be good. So I’m laying on the floor tucking in the strand when Vince Gill comes on the stereo. “I Still Believe in You.”  Knocked me to my knees so it’s a good thing I was already laying on the floor. I just curled up and cried. Poor Kevin…..just held me again.

I know music and posters and books and things people say are going to bring back some memories that will be painful and incapacitate me. I know this.

Still doesn’t stop me from being stunned at the intensity of them. This is just going to be a long process because we were together a long time. I can’t even imagine someone losing their other half after 50, 60 or more years.

Maybe I can relinquish my “white knuckle” on life, and trust that all will be well. ~HAL

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4 Responses to So it was my birthday yesterday

  1. fredrieka says:

    The white knuckle reminds us how precious life is

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Val Ewing says:

    What she said. It is a tough and long time of healing.

    Liked by 1 person

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