And in an institution is exactly where I’ll be ………. soon. Craft shows and festivals are over. My car is almost unloaded. Finishing that tonight. All the stuff goes back into a closet. Till next summer. I am hoping to relax till say…………oh mid March.
I just am wanting some time at home alone. I don’t want to get up for work, I don’t want to deal with anyone right now. Something is going on and I don’t know what but I have NO fuse left. I’m containing a lot and I just need to let it out. I won’t if there are people around. Earn is going to a friends house this weekend for a trip to the cities on Saturday. Perfect time for me to figure out what is going on with me BESIDES needing to grieve. And scream. And throw things. And be pissed about whatever it is I am pissed about….
Ya, that’s how I feel. I should find all my cracked and chipped plates and have a throwing contest. I’m getting bitchy and touchy and overwhelmed. I don’t know what it is I need or want. I just need to look for it. I wish I knew where to find what ever it is.
I’ve been told I should put the photos away and not listen to the songs.
Ain’t gonna happen.
I don’t want to live with a broken heart. I sat up till 2am staring at a photo of, and talking to Nick. It’s like I’m still unable to comprehend he is gone. And there are times when it’s like he’s just off on another car jaunt. I look at the photo and I miss those arms around me. I see that smirk on his face and KNOW why it’s there. I look at the photo and remember those legs and that chest and and and…………..I miss him.
I want him back. I do. I don’t want to do this alone.
To love someone profoundly is to know that person in his or her weakness and strength. ~HAL