So at 10pm last night, I decided I NEEDED to do this. These canvas prints have been SCREAMING at me for weeks to get them up in a grouping somewhere. I just could never decide where.
I didn’t really want them in my bedroom…..no real space for them there. So the living room it is.
My daughter in law did SUCH an awesome job in capturing the essence of Nick and me. They are some fun prints and it was a fun day. I’m so glad we did this. I don’t have a lot of photos of just Nick and I. It’s mostly him. I think it looks awesome and I’m so proud of my daughter in law.
Last night, I spent listening to my music as I was doing some much needed things around my house. Little piddly stuff I haven’t had time to do cause I’m always running or on the phone or texting or there is company at my house. It felt good to get so much stuff done. But when a song came on that reminded me of my loss, I stopped, stood in front of my stereo looking at the prints of us, singing, dancing alone and crying, mourning him like I’ve not been able to do; like I need to do to learn how to live with him being gone.
I stood in my living room, just holding back the screams while letting the much needed tears flow. I did feel better when I was done because I let myself cry it out. Instead of having to stop. I will keep mourning until I stop crying…….and start smiling as I sing. I’m looking forward to that day.
I’d like to move on to a new relationship …. one day. Who knows? But not yet. I have to figure out what I want first. And right now, I want to be alone. I need to spend my time getting my house in order. And by house I mean house, life, thoughts, words, emotions………….
Because I feel I’m all over the board right now. I had an amazing man in my life. I loved him beyond words. I was incomplete before I met him and I am again now that he is gone. I need to be whole again first. I need to be ‘just Sue’ after being ‘Sue and Nick’ for so long.
This is MY journey. And I’ll will travel it as I want to. As I NEED to. By listening to our music, by looking at our photos and by reliving our memories. Last night was incredibly healing for me. A few more weeks of this, maybe I’ll be OK.
The Christmas holiday season is coming. I have no idea how I’ll make it through but I will.
I will open my eyes and stretch out my arms to the beauty and wonder of the world. ~HAL