Yesterday was beyond rough….

dont annoy me this week or i give your number to kids.jpg

I thought things would get better as time went on. It’s been a little over 21 weeks now. Five months on Dec 22nd. I think watching videos of Nick and hearing his voice set me off. Please don’t tell me I shouldn’t do that. I just need to see and hear him sometimes. There are days when I wonder if he was really real.

I miss Nick so much. I think yesterday was the worst yet. I just couldn’t shake it off. I couldn’t not think about him and yesterday was no particular day with a strong memory attached. Maybe he was visiting me….who knows.

Right now, I feel my life is not going the way I want it to. The more I spend time alone, the more focused I’m feeling. I’m getting to the point of ‘I’ll do what I want to do, not what you feel I SHOULD do.’  I haven’t dated since 1980. And I’d like to.  Maybe spending time with someone who didn’t know Nick would help.  Who know? It’s worth a try? Maybe I don’t obsess about him so much. Maybe he’d be happy to know I moved on like he wanted me to.

Lots of maybes.

I commend my dear one to the arms of the all-embracing love. ~HAL


About Boo

Grandmother to 11....or is it 12 now? Getting back into life after losing the love of my life to cancer. Read my struggles with daily life........or don't. But I hope it helps ONE person get thru the same thing I went thru......
This entry was posted in Me. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Yesterday was beyond rough….

  1. You do what you want to do. No one should be judging you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. fredrieka says:

    You be a caregiver to yourself

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s