I thought things would get better as time went on. It’s been a little over 21 weeks now. Five months on Dec 22nd. I think watching videos of Nick and hearing his voice set me off. Please don’t tell me I shouldn’t do that. I just need to see and hear him sometimes. There are days when I wonder if he was really real.
I miss Nick so much. I think yesterday was the worst yet. I just couldn’t shake it off. I couldn’t not think about him and yesterday was no particular day with a strong memory attached. Maybe he was visiting me….who knows.
Right now, I feel my life is not going the way I want it to. The more I spend time alone, the more focused I’m feeling. I’m getting to the point of ‘I’ll do what I want to do, not what you feel I SHOULD do.’ I haven’t dated since 1980. And I’d like to. Maybe spending time with someone who didn’t know Nick would help. Who know? It’s worth a try? Maybe I don’t obsess about him so much. Maybe he’d be happy to know I moved on like he wanted me to.
Lots of maybes.
I commend my dear one to the arms of the all-embracing love. ~HAL