And….on to Christmas Day…

wood pile 2016.jpg

To get a perspective on how much wood that is………..that’s one of those 30 gallon garbage cans over on the right side……3 rows of stacked chunks and on the side closest to the red wood stove is a stack of planks you can barely see.

I am beyond excited about this. What a wonderful Christmas present in the huge load of wood and for the two men that threw it in the basement for me! Thank you beyond words.

best-christmas-present-ever

My daughter gets it. I just LOVE this cup!!! It makes me smile.

Things are getting better for me. Christmas evening, I sat listening to Vince Gill singing and I was looking at the series of photos of Nick and I.

the-new-wall

And it suddenly hit me.

I’m wishing for something I cannot have. Ever again. I can’t wish Nick back. I don’t want him back…he was in such pain. I can’t wish that on anyone.

I will never have another love like what he and I had. I can’t have him back. I cannot think I’ll find someone like him as he was unique. Just like I am. I may have another man in my life. I may not. Friends with Benefits?? hmmmmm – interesting concept … I may even find love again. But it will be totally different.

It won’t be like what I had with Nick because it won’t BE Nick.

Ever since then….I’ve gotten calmer. I may get sad and down again, but I think it won’t last as long. I think this realization is putting me on the right path to healing.

In this season I will find hope, and grief as well. ~HAL

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5 Responses to And….on to Christmas Day…

  1. joliesattic says:

    Few find love at all. Count your blessings you can say did and cherish it. You’re right, you may not find another love or one that can “replace”what you had. THAT’S OKAY! You will morph and find what fits…in time. Right now, hold onto to those memories until you are ready.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. No you cannot find what you and Nick had again. But you can have something different and beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

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