I was living 2 lives……

And it can be quite exhausting and daunting….


…….but for the most part I’m doing a lot better.

Christmas Day evening, when I realized I kept wishing for something that would never ever happen again? ….did a lot to calm me. It’s like I let out a huge sigh. Nick wanted me to move on and maybe it’s time I did. Maybe I want to start dating. (*ugh*  Thanks for throwing me back out there after 35+ years of NOT thinking about it.)

I will ALWAYS miss Nick. He was a force to be reckoned with. He was the love of my life and will always be a part of my life. Hell, I have all his cars, how can I NOT think about him? Family reunions will be difficult at first. All the firsts I will have will be difficult. Have been difficult. The last one that will be hard will be July 22,2017. One year. Sitting here thinking about it is making me sad but I’m not losing it. July 2017 will probably be another story. I will go sit with him that day. I will continue to visit him because it does a lot to calm my soul to sit and talk to him. I tell him what the G’kids are doing and how they miss him too.

I’m doing OK. I’m doing what I need to survive this first winter on my own. I have a guy up the road who helps me more than I can thank him for. I have a daughter from Thailand that is just awesome and keeps me on my toes. I have a son in Italy who keeps me giggling. I have my own children who are amazing adults married to amazing people with wonderful kids…….I just love them to bits. And back. I have 13 ‘grandchildren’ so far….counting the blood, step, and fosters. They are all mine, regardless. To me, it doesn’t matter….if they live with MY kids? That makes them MY grandkids. So there …. pffffft.

So on to this new chapter in my crazy life.

~So today I leave you with this: Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn’t people feel as free to delight in whatever remains to them? ~~Rose Kennedy

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