I have not felt very lovable lately…

friendship when not lovable.gif

I hate crying at the drop of a hat. I hate feeling like I’m doing something wrong when I enjoy a moment in time now. I hate feeling like I’m forgetting or ignoring Nick if I laugh at something or smile or go do something he and I planned to do together. I hate shutting down with people because something they have said or done has brought forth a memory that they cannot see has thrown me for a loop because I won’t LET them see that. It’s not their fault….it’s not mine. It’s just life right now.

I never know what will trigger this. I kind of figured out what started last Friday’s ‘episode’. I found Nick’s snow boots. With the laces tucked inside them from the last time he wore them…just as he left them. The same thing happened this summer when I went in the garage and found his coveralls hanging over the cardboard leaned up against the blue cart…. just where he left them. Or his lounging pants, hanging on the hook…just where he left them. Or almost anything I find ….just where he left them.

I just want to be normal again. It will be a new normal…but normal would be nice.

~Today I leave you to ponder: If you’re going through hell, keep going. ~Winston Churchill  




Posted in Me

6 thoughts on “I have not felt very lovable lately…

  1. Oh Boo, I can’t even begin to imagine how it feels for you, but I think you need to have some patience with yourself. There are going to be those moments that trigger so many different emotions and you can’t really control that. If you shut down with people, then they will either have to understand or not. If you cry for hours, let the tears cleanse you, then pick yourself back up and go do something that makes you smile. And I honestly think that your Nick is smiling down on you when he sees you doing something that you enjoy. He knows you haven’t forgotten him, you never will for he will always be a part of you.
    Keep moving forward, one day at a time. It takes time, but you will feel “normal” again. Whatever normal is !
    Hang in there darlin ♥♥

    Liked by 1 person

  2. A friend of mine told me she was deterimned to move on with her life after her husband passing. What she ended up doing was to consider she is in on vacation and she would tell him all about it when she got back home.

    Liked by 1 person

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