I just need music time….

I need an app for my phone…….that auto replies….”I’m not feelin’ it today. Please … don’t keep calling; don’t keep texting; don’t come to my house. I’m fine. I’ll get back to you tomorrow. I just need some me time with some good music. Please.”

I have a bunch of people that, since July, have made it their mission to make sure I’m OK.

I am. Really I am.

I am grateful for these people in my life. I love them for being so concerned about me. I’m glad they love me enough to be worried. I do appreciate all they do for me. Because Lord knows my brain was scrambled for a long while…….It’s OK now tho.

But when I’m not? I just space and time and a HUGE ass box of tissues. This is my journey and I need to muddle through it however I can. Whatever works for me.

Last night for instance. I sat on the couch listening to the Eagles and stared at Nick. Tears rolling down my cheeks. When it was done, I wiped my face and went back to painting instead of being incapacitated for the rest of the night.

So I must be getting better……………..?

This is good as I’m still busy trying to get my house in order. I started painting my kitchen last night. I have a basement to put back in order. I have a shower that must get done. I have a room upstairs to finish sorting. Most of this stuff I have to do on my own. And the only way to get it done is my way. Which means the phone gets turned on mute. Don’t worry, if you text me? I’ll get it later and reply.

I guess I’ve spoiled everyone by almost ALWAYS immediate responses. I’m sorry for that.

I used to have a friend call me every night. He’d keep me on the phone for 2-3 hours. I got nothing done.  And I just need to get stuff done. I need to feel a sense of accomplishment every day. I lost that for a while. It’s baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Valentine’s Day is coming. I’m not celebrating it. I’ll send my g’kids their cards if I can find them. That’s it.  I don’t want anything. I don’t need anything. There’s only one man I want something from and that ain’t gonna happen so it will be just another day for me. I need this one to be empty.

And that’s OK.

~Today I leave you to ponder the following: I don’t believe you have to be better than everybody else. I believe you have to be better than you ever thought you could be. ~Ken Venturi

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