So Valentine’s Day is coming up….

heart-on-plank-valentines-day

And I’m totally dreading it………OK, maybe not TOTALLY….but it will be my first one alone since 1980.

ugh.

I’ve spent the last few nights reading some of the Valentine’s Day cards Nick gave me. He really did love me. More than I gave him credit for, I think. Not towards the end…..there was NO doubt then. He was a wonderful man. I miss him beyond words.

I read these cards and I can feel him. I lay there smiling with my eyes leaking.

I find my grief is not lessening…..but mellowing. I look at his photo and smile now through the tears instead of gasping for breath. I find I can relate stories about him without losing my ability to breathe. Going up to his grave still knocks me to my knees and probably always will. Yet I will keep going. I look at the photos of us on the wall….and I can see the love on his face, the mischief in his eyes, the desire……to stay with me.

Oh how I wish he could have.

the-new-wall

********************************************************************

I still feel at a standstill after the attack on me thru a friend. I don’t understand why she was so violent and vicious towards me. I made the mistake of thinking I’d get support and some ideas on how to deal with a situation – the way I do for friends. Instead of “You two figure this out!!!” But to be turned on like that seriously stopped me dead in my tracks.

life becomes a lot easier ... apology.jpg

I will move along. When I’m ready. Like my friend T says ‘you are too strong to stand for that.’

For someone to tell me how I should think or feel is beyond …… words, not to mention incredibly insensitive.

But then you have to feel sorry for those types of people….they have never known what Nick and I had.

and that’s incredibly sad.

~~I have nothing to leave you with today except for this:

please-dont-judge

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Me. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s