I took off his rings last night…..


If I am going to start on this new path in my life, and I am going to, I have to veer off the old one. That means I take off his wedding ring. I take off the ring I bought him in Mexico. I take his photo out of my cell phone case and I remove the photos of him from ALL over my house. I still want to keep this series up somewhere….


I still think my daughter in law needs to enter them in a contest. They are just that good…doesn’t matter what the subject is……but I’ll move them out of my living room. Probably put them in the stairway. The ones of him with Jack Rousch? I may mix those in with the drawings in the far corner of the living room. Those are too priceless to just let go upstairs and get lost.

but man……my right hand looks bare today.

I took off my wedding ring in January. I had to get the diamond setting fixed on the engagement ring, then I had it soldered to the wedding band…..and then I put it in it’s velvet box and placed it in my jewelry armoire. I will put his in with mine when I get home. And they will stay tucked away. Maybe one day I’ll give Nick’s wedding band to Lennox to wear to have something of Papa’s. Maybe one day I’ll give Megann his silver ring to let her have something more of her dad’s.

His rings      no rings.jpg

But for now…I’ll hold onto them.

I feel like I’m selling off or getting rid of so much of his stuff. I have to. I need to get my house back. I need to make it ALL mine. So I can start down this new life path.


And I have to believe this.

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I found this one

I am the storm

………a few weeks ago. A friend sent it to me again last night .

6 months ago I would have let the storm take me. Even 3 months ago. I felt so weak and frail. My mind wouldn’t let me take charge of anything. I questioned EVERY decision I made.

But now?

Nope….I AM the storm. I am taking my life back and doing what I want to do.

And it feels GOOD.

I will always love Nick with a passion. I will always miss him because he was a HUGE part of my life and taught me SO much. He loved me so much. But I have to let go of the past and live MY life. I came to grips with SO many things when I was in California.

Maybe my running up Hwy 1 in the Mustang convertible did it. That was OUR trip. WE were sposed to do it. And it got slammed into me that it was now up to ME to do the things we planned. Alone.

And savor each memory.

I love you, Nick…..Rest now my love.

I’ve got this.

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An inner beauty…..


I’ve been told I have an inner beauty….and that I fail to see it.

Boo with iron bird

I know I fail to see the outer beauty everyone tells me I have. Although a girlfriend of mine just told me “You always looked hot hot hot!” especially in the above photo. Almost scary when a woman tells you that…….*smiles*

But this is the ONE photo where even I think I look beautiful! ahahahhahah thud; and I have to remind myself this IS a photo of me. I think it’s in the smile. What do you think?

I don’t know as I have an inner beauty so much as I think I have a kind, old soul. It comes from my family more than anything. . . And I do my best to treat people the way that I want to be treated……I hope I am succeeding.

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Be alive with me….


Since my trip to California, I feel like I’m really coming back to the land of the living. My thought process is getting better. I’m remembering more every day things. I am doing OK.

Then I get slammed with Heather’s death. I will be OK tho. Sometimes I think it’s just gonna roll off my back, then I think of her sister Heidi and I lose it for a bit. But I am bouncing back faster.

I decided I am not going to date anyone who knew Nick. I just want to put that part of my life in the past to pull out when I want to or need to, and not be reminded all the time. I want to think of Nick when I want to, when I am prepared to, when I can deal with it.

I have a new man in my life that makes me smile and laugh.

He lost his wife to cancer. So he knows how I feel, I know how he feels.

Added bonus?

He didn’t know Nick.

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Roadside flowers….

…………….They are my favorite.

I never cared about material things.png

This weekend absolutely SUCKED. I have a friend whose twin sister died. The family had decided to pull the plug and she died Sunday afternoon.

I got a call Saturday morning from my cousin Coleen. Our cousin Heather had passed away unexpectedly Friday night or early Saturday.

I’m just stunned, sad, upset, hurting…..and flashing back. Two people in one weekend. One I didn’t know but am friends with her sister. The other? My beloved, hilarious, fun, witty…..Oh, I hurt so for her sister. They were closer than peas in a pod.

So today will be spent remembering Heather and all the funnies I’ve watched her wade thru.

RIP Heather dear…..I love you.

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Garth Brooks spoke about his wife in a way usually reserved for … songs. “I can’t believe this really exists. I can’t believe there’s somebody in this world that no matter how many times you get to be with them, all that does is make you want to be with them more,” he said. “For the first time, forever isn’t long enough. That’s crazy, but I’m the lucky guy that found that.”

Garth isn’t the only man to have found that. And Trisha isn’t the only woman. I had that with Nick. And it’s too bad there is no way to let him know this.

Forever isn’t long enough……he’s got that right.

Forecast for Today … Light snow this morning will change to rain showers this afternoon. High 41F. Winds SSE at 10 to 20 mph. Chance of rain 40%.


Sheesh……I’m done with snow. After 5 days in California, I’m ready for SPRING and SUNSHINE!! I was going without a coat and in my sandals!

A tidbit about the new guy. He drives a 2015 F150. *smiles happily*

What we drove up Hwy 1…..*sigh*

3 in the car.jpg


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A friend wrote this to me…..

“Reality seems to be getting in the way of what I want done, or don’t want to do, or………..  Maybe just in the way.” ~KM

After this weekend in California, I’m feeling so much more like me again. And I feel I’m ready for my next adventure.

firepit and wine

I’ve met a man I’m really wanting to get to know better. Only time will tell.

Hugs to you all.

Yes, I will update you…when the time is right.

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And then there’s THIS guy….

So…..since y’all seem to want to know how my love life is going…..heh heh heh … no where. *sigh*

However…..I’ve been chatting with a guy on Wisconsin’s east coast. He is very interesting. He makes me smile.

I may be a bit overwhelming for him. … I have 3 children and 10 Grandchildren.  He has 1 son and 1 grandson.  LOL…. He was like……….*drops jaw*…………Hey, love me, love my kids and grandkids.

But, for having never met, talking on the phone twice, and only texting for a week…..we’ve hit it off fairly well.

And he has the bluest eyes. Wow…I could drown in them.

On a different note…………………

This long weekend, I’m heading to California. March 20th is my first wedding anniversary. My ‘maid of honor’ and my ‘best (wo)man’ are going to celebrate with me. I wish it would be the 4 of us. But Nick will be there in spirit.

cathy nick sue allison

We’ll be in a house right on the Pacific Ocean. I’ll be dipping my toes in, drinking lots of Wine, and I’m sure there will be some sadness, joy, lots of laughter and happiness. I love these two more than life. And I can’t be happier that the 3 of us have this in common above and beyond being sister-cousins. I have an amazing family I’m very proud to be a part of.

If I had my life to do over again

Not long before our wedding, Nick and I were in a store and ran across this sign. He looked at me. I looked at him. We both started leaking. And just held each other. Because we knew that the end was coming. I put this up almost immediately so we could both see it every day and know…..how much love we had for each other.

He told the story of going to Eitzen on a booze cruise once. And feeling the NEED to stop along the highway because he felt he had to meet someone nearby. This was 10-12 years before we even met.

The first time I took him to Portland, he gasped and said, this is where I felt that. I looked across the field and pointed to the house I grew up in. We just looked at each other.

Was it fate?

The pink hat says bride on it. The black hat way right says groom. The other two hats are both New Zealand hats and are the ones he wore almost exclusively till he died. I can pick them up and smell him on those hats. It still brings tears of pain and heartache…..one day I will smile. I should put these in zip locks to preserve that scent.

Today I leave you with this: ~ A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and en-kindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy. ~ George Jean Nathan 

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