Well…again tonight….

sometimes you just need to relax and remind yourself.jpg

I have another date tonight. The guy actually just lives down the highway from me. How bizarre is THAT??? He just text me to let me know he’s in town buying a broom. *snortz* Yes, that guy. I told him I’d be picking up all the road kill on the way home. Ya, he can make me laugh. But we’ll see. The first one didn’t work out. No spark. We had a good time talking but that was it. I don’t think this one tonight will either. But I’m getting out of the house, meeting new people. That’s the main thing for me right now. Daughter smiles and goes “OH! Really mom!?” when I told her I’ll be late tonight. “LOVE YOUR SHIRT!” she hollers as I’m leaving!! *chuckles* I’m gonna MISS that girl!!!

LOVING MY NEW CAR!!! She drove into work like a DREAM!! I love how much wider she is and the doors are thicker. Why that makes me feel safer, I have no idea. And she is the purdiest color ever.

My friend Susan came from Racine this weekend. We had a BLAST!!! She is something wonderful! We’ve been talking online for I don’t even know HOW many years. We went to Beedles for supper. I gave that place another chance and this time I was NOT disappointed in the food. It was very good. I’ll be going there again. We stopped at the grocery store and grabbed some Chardonnay and some Riesling, went home and broke out the wine glasses. We talked and talked…it was so nice.

Sunday we went to visit Nick. She wanted to see where he was. I just wish that dang wind had not been so crisP! Sheesh. Susan was quite impressed with the peaceful place Nick had picked. I did ok for the first time ever while standing there. Could be because I wasn’t alone…..? She said he was standing there with us. We got on like a house afire and I was sad to see her leave. I’ll be heading her way soon!!

There are other developments in my life but those will wait till it’s a concrete thing.

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OK, maybe that’s an exaggeration but it sure feels like after the snow last night!!

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So you all are waiting for….

the news……..Of what I bought? or ‘the date’……………*smiles*

First ….. what I bought.

Back in June 2016, I bought a Ford Escape. Wanted one forever. I bought it because the Focus had sport suspension and every bump would make Nick groan in pain. As much as I loved that little 5 speed, Nick’s comfort was more important. The Escape was taller so easier for him to get in and out of, and the ride was somewhat smoother. And I had wanted one forever, did I mention that?

Escape

Well, my little Escape, darling as she was, had a transmission….glitch, we’ll call it. And I was worried about it.

I love my Dan. I have bought my last few cars from him and he treats me right. So when he sent me a photo of this:

Edge 1

I said, ‘I’LL TAKE THAT FOR A TEST DRIVE OK?????’

……..and then I bought it. I got a good deal more on my trade in than I was expecting so it was too good to pass up. I pick it up tonight. And I can hardly wait. I’m so excited, I have tears of joy running down my leg!!

My friend Susan is coming up tomorrow afternoon and it’s gonna be fun. Drinking, eating, mac and cheese fest…yup!!

My taxes will hopefully be dropped off today to get figured and that will be done before I leave for California.

The weather has turned back into winter so the wood stove will get started up again tonight. It’s cold today.

(Get ON with the date details will ya?? I know….I heard that!!)

So, 4pm rolls around yesterday and I’m starting to get butterflies thinking, OK, I am just going to go home. But I’ve committed to supper at the very least. 4:30pm I get a text “I’m here” I’m thinking ‘Oh God.’ So I let him know I was on my way. The place we met is like 8 minutes from my work. So not a lot of time to figure out ways to back out.

I get there, he’s at the bar, on the phone, waves me over to where he is and we start talking. And talking. And talking. We talked for over 2 hours. We had supper. We talked some more. He walked me to my car, hugged me, gave me a kiss and said drive safe. I went home, he went home, then we text randomly for a couple more hours.

I really enjoyed my evening with him. He asked after supper if I was nervous. I said I was nervous before I even got there and was thinking on how I could sit in my car in the parking lot for 20 more minutes before going in! He laughed at me. *sigh*

If he invites me out, I’ll go again.

Now…..I have another date Monday night. With someone else. But he’s so into hunting and fishing that I don’t know how that will go.

Then I may just quit. heh heh heh I signed up for this dating site for one month. And I have had enough stress for this month.

*sigh*

im-not-perfect-ill-annoy-you-and-piss-you-off-and-love-you-more-than-anyone

 

 

 

 

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Day 4 again….

thursday-day-4-of-hostage             we are THISCLOSE to it being Friday

Well yesterday was a big day!!

I made a major decision on my own based on things Nick taught me. I found out dear friends are moving away. (major sniffle) and *gasp* tonight is my date. MAJOR nerves!

I’m very comfortable talking with this guy on text. In person will be a whole new ball game. I told my car club about him last night. I let them know he has a ’68 brand X (think it’s a Camaro but my mind is mush). OH NO!!! We’ll bring him over from the dark side!!! Hey? Can I MEET him first??? Sheesh! But they are all very supportive. I’m glad, because they all loved Nick. I’ll ask him a question and it’s ‘Of course, silly.’ Apparently my new name is Silly. OK, then!

So I made a huge purchase last night. No, I didn’t buy a house…..yet. Although down the line, I will be moving back to Minnesota. That’s another long story for another day so remind me OK?

I think I’ll wait till I have some photos before I tell you.

Teaser! I know. Sorry. I love to surprise people……..

alcohol makes you lean.jpg This one STILL cracks me up.

 

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What day is it Mike????

wednesday

I’m one day closer to California! I cannot wait to get there. And while I am there? the time will FLY by. Just watch.

These winds are NUTS! My lawn is a freakin’ mess!! It’s going to take 4 men and 3 small children to get it all cleaned up.

Well…I did it. Took the leap. I actually have a date. From way on the south side of town. Yes, very nervous. Fingers crossed. Right now it’s just supper out. I will be meeting him there. I don’t need him knowing where I live. Yet. And that’s all I am going to say about it. Unless it goes well of course! heh heh heh…

WHAT???

Tonight is the car club meeting. Thursday and Friday night I’m busy. MIGHT be picking up a car to test drive over the weekend. Friend coming from Racine so I need to get the house straightened up. Earn and I got some done last night….trying to put the kitchen/dining room back. I have several cupboards to figure out where to put. It seems to never end.

But I love my new kitchen floor!!! I should get a new photo with the fridge in there. LOVE it.kitchen floor new.jpg

Just plain LOVE it. This color and the paint….wow. I’m feeling more and more energetic so I am trying to get this house ready. To stay or to sell. I don’t know yet. Not a decision to make in the next year yet.

And I’m off to adjust MY sails…….Have a GREAT day!

adjusting the sails

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Please tell me…..

is monday gone yet

God I hope so. I was so tired. and I think my lunch wasn’t good. I only ate half of it and ugh…my stomach wasn’t good at all. I kept yawning. NOT a good sign. Daughter called. She was trying to deal with a nosebleed. The kids told her to go to the school office but didn’t tell her to ask for the nurse. I told her to go see the nurse. They’d put a cold pack on it or something. She was OK by the time she got home.

So I drop into bed about 9:30pm and sleep pretty much all the way to 6am when the alarm went off. Wind woke me a couple times but for the most part, I SLEPT.  Holy buckets. I haven’t done that in I don’t know HOW long! Felt pretty good! Crap everywhere in the yard tho. Ugh.

Justin stopped by yesterday!! I haven’t seen him in a long while! He and I talked about Nick. Last time he saw him was at Iola. I gave him the funeral flyer to look at. ‘His name was David?? I never knew that!” Well, a lot of people didn’t. He said people were asking him if he knew David. He’s like I know NICK, but not David. *kind of funny in a way…..*

Ranchero driver side

He wants to look and see what I have for big block parts. So I need to get Larry from Winona over or Mike from Rochester to come when he does. I know Justin would be fair. I just want a second opinion on stuff. Mike and Larry know the history on some of these parts too and most buyers want to know what things came out of. So it’s best if they are there.

Kind of wish he would buy this. But then I have another guy thinking on it…..

I got a phone call on my way home last night. Todd and two buddies came up and I may have sold 3 cars/carcasses last night! Wow. I’d be thrilled if they took what they say they want. The old truck is for sure sold. What he wants to do with THAT thing is beyond me. The old convertible might be sold. And the guy that wants the truck is pretty serious about the Ranchero. So that makes 3 of them interested in it. Larry came over from Winona to help. Hopefully he can get thru some of the parts before they come back with their shopping lists.Ranchero passenger side

So fingers crossed I can get some rusty metal off my property! I’m not thrilled with them bringing trailers on the lawn but if I want these things gone, they have to. Just hope it dries out soon. Walking across the lawns last night was like walking on a sandy beach.

The winds last night made my old tub surround disappear. I’m hoping it’s back by the trees. I’ll be doing some lawn clean up tonight. There are twigs and branches, TIRES!! and crap everywhere. The wind was CRAZY! So I’ll be starting yard clean up tonight with daughter.

Then I need to get stuff done in the house as I fly out in a week. I have to finish up the taxes tonight so they are sent in before I leave.

There ought to be a better way

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Bill ‘n’ Boo

I am beyond proud to say I know this man. He crawled into my heart back in May 2015 and made a home there. Bill is 95 years young and a WWII veteran. He flew the big cargo planes in Indochina and at the war’s end, flew our POW’s home.

Bill and Boo March 4 2017.jpg

His is an interesting story in that when he came home on leave one time, his parents introduced him to his new baby brother, Jack. Bill was 21 at the time and had no idea Jack was on the way. Jack and Bill are as close as two brothers can be. Jack is a Vietnam vet and I’m very proud to know him too. He met me at Bill’s and the 3 of us had a very nice hour of visiting.

Bill was sleeping when I walked in. I wiggled his toe, he woke up, looked up and got the BIGGEST smile. He always does. He likes seeing me walk in. I’ll be making plans to go up again in 3 or 4 weeks. Bill is beginning to fail a bit. And I want to see him as often as possible.

God I look as hungover as I felt….sheesh.

I spent the weekend with Jon at his house. Friday night some Smirnoff was consumed, memories shared, and I fell into bed and never moved all night. Wow…that felt good!! Saturday, up to see Bill, back to Pizza with T, then back to Jon’s house where I won a ROUSING round of Uno with him and the kids!! woooooooooooot!!! Considering I haven’t played in a few years……that was fun!

Sunday I took Jon out for breakfast. Daughter tagged along, son stayed home. It was a good breakfast, then I packed up and moseyed towards home. I stopped at my auntie’s crazy sister’s house for a visit. She’s always good for a laugh…or two…or three. BONUS!!! Auntie was there too!! We had a great visit…..E isn’t doing well. I wonder when I’m going to get THAT call.

Then I stopped by the cemetery.visiting Nick March 5 2017.jpg

I spent some time telling him the news of the g’kids and the kids. And how much I still miss him and always will. About how much I still love him and always will. I even yelled for a bit. I thought it was sposed to get easier. I’m not so sure it is.

My footprints. The only ones going up to his grave. I find that sad. No one but me and my family visits him.

have-a-nice-day

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Friday…? Finally?

yes-im-crazy-no-you-cant-have-some

Yesterday was a much better day. Maybe I just have to let the day win once in a bit?

Thursday, I had a cortisone shot in my right heel. I wasn’t feeling well most of the afternoon. If it was from the shot or not? I don’t know. It wasn’t till I had some supper that I started feeling a bit more ‘normal’. OK normal for ME. Shupyou.

And I get to wear a boot at night.

Wearing the boot. Hmmmmmmmmmmm It lasted till about 4am then I had to take it off. It wasn’t comfortable. So I didn’t sleep well last night. Between the Novocaine wearing off and the boot…..I was restless all night. I think I’ll have to put my foot up on pillows while I wear it. Today the foot feels….OK. I’m thinkin’ it’s going to take a few days for everything to settle down and settle in. I actually packed the boot to wear this weekend. I have my new supports in my knee high leather boots so maybe some dancing is in order this weekend? heh heh heh

I get a text at 7am and I realized I NEED TO GET UP!! Shit. I hate when that happens. Now I feel like I’ve been running behind all morning and it’s not even 10am!

My son is putting in my kitchen flooring today. I’m beyond ‘cited! Then my new fridge goes in to the kitchen! YES! My house is gonna start coming back together!!! I have an idea for my shower that will save my son time and me money. So hopefully that’s next

Well, I bit the big one and I signed up for OurTime.com…… hmmmm. I only paid for a month. So I’m talking to this guy. Told him I gave myself a month on this site just to ‘dip my toes in’ and check things out. His reply cracked me up…”Only a month? That gives me 30 days to sweep you off your feet and me without my broom!” ok, it’s actually 29 days now but whatever. heh heh heh…..I’ll go out for supper with him. But I don’t know what after the 30 days are up. Problem is so many of the guys that are ‘fave-ing’ me are from MA, CA, NM, CO, ….What good does that do me? But it’s fun expanding my social circle. I’m not really looking for anything but companionship right now.

Nick is still too raw for me.

Can’t wait to see Bill this weekend. Bill was my Freedom Honor Flight WWII vet. He’s not been doing too well so it’s time to go see him again. I dread the day I get ‘that’ phone call.

Bill and Boo before Canada.jpeg

He’s become pretty special to me.

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Yesterday won again…dammit

dear-men

Let me just add to this “Or any of her decisions, you’d better be Dr. Ruth, Dr. Laura, or Dr. Phil.”

I was not in the best mood yesterday. The day won. I just gave up and let it. It sometimes can be easier that way. I just wish I knew why this time. Usually I do. But I guess you just have to have ‘one of those days’ now and again.

Part of it is remembering the moment he died. The feeling of helplessness that there was NO way to stop this from happening.

And until you go thru it? You won’t understand it. It was like something so important to me was slipping thru my fingers and nothing I could do would stop it.

Then he was gone.

My handsome, vibrant, incredible soulmate…………gone.

How does one process that?

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Thank you Yellowrose……

~~“You know that place between asleep and awake, that place you will remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you, Peter Pan….. That’s where I’ll be waiting” ~~J.M. Barrie

My friend YR sent this on yesterday’s post. It’s so appropriate my eyes just started to leak thru my smiles. I will always miss him, I will always love him, I’ll be waiting to be with him again one day. I would love for him to come to me in a dream, but then I have him with me on my videos and voice mails. I know I’ll never see him again. Because a dream…..is just that. A dream.

~~’Fairies have to be one thing or the other, because being so small they unfortunately have room for one feeling only at a time.  ~~Peter Pan, “Peter Pan” by J.M. Barrie

There are many times I wish I was a fairy……as the emotions can be overwhelming. I was sitting at my desk last night, getting taxes ready to go to the lawyer. I kept running across the receipts for medicine, the appointment lists, and his blood #’s that would decide Chemo or no. And of course, it just hits me anew. I stopped. Put down my pencil. And just sat there. Feeling INCREDIBLY ALONE.

I’m sitting at my desk. Alone. I look up and I don’t see him. I can’t get up and go sit with him and talk on the couch, or go into the bedroom and snuggle up with him. I can’t call him just to say “hey, I miss you, when will you be home?”

I am alone. And it’s such a foreign feeling. So odd to be sitting there KNOWING I can’t go find him.

So instead I look at his photo.

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And know that I loved him enough to let him go.

To let him be at peace.

And now?  I have to find mine.

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