Yesterday wasn’t the best day.
First my beloved dog, Jegs, needed surgery. He had jammed something from the corn or hay field up in the webbing between his toes and it had festered. I didn’t even know he’d done it. He kept licking but I thought it was something he scraped while running. He’s always running. Especially since I got Bohdi. Bohdi bugs him. Bohdi won’t stop picking on him. So Jegs runs. Doc got him sedated and did a check. Not only had he done the corn stalk thing, there was a mass on his pad.
Ya, I’ll take it off and I highly recommend you have it sent into Madison for testing.
Crap. No. I’m not going to. For the last 30 years, my dogs have died at 8 – 8 1/2 years of age. Jegs turned 8 on Valentine’s Day. With my luck that means most likely I will lose him before Christmas. And if it IS cancer? I don’t know if I want to know. I don’t want to live with that hanging over my head again. He will be OK. No, I’m not cruel. I KNOW what this dog has gone through and I won’t put him through more. Especially like what Nick dealt with.
So Jegs is in a cast that I’m to take off tonight. This will be interesting. He looks at me with those beautiful brown eyes like he’s in pain and I can’t give him another pain pill till tonight. He snuggled up on my bed last night and was quiet all night. I’m sure yesterday was pretty rough on him. So I’ll love him up and snuggle with my boy. I was so happy to have him home. He’s important to me. Thank you, Kevin, for helping me go get him.
Then, I started reading this blog again and got to Aug 1st. And stopped dead in my tracks.
I did read it that far without losing it though. It’s like I’m becoming detached from what I went through last summer and the months before. After Aug 1? I don’t know yet.
I’m sure some of you are wondering why I read it over and over. It’s not hurting me. It helps me to read it. When I wrote all that out, I couldn’t breathe for crying. Then I could read it over again and I cried, but I could breathe. This time reading it? I could see myself living it over again but from above, looking down and I was OK. Not perfect but OK. I made it through.
I’ve also decided I want to go back to school. When, where, why, and how will be answered at a later date. I have to get information first.
Wish me luck.