I am talking via text with a friend of mine. I have known and loved him over 30 years.
He and I had a falling out a couple months ago. He called and was telling me about a job fair he was going to. All the dates, times, details, etc…..a good 20 minute conversation.
A few days later I asked him how the job fair went.
“How did you know about that? I didn’t tell you about that!”
‘Oh yes, J, you did. But I could tell you had been drinking. I lived with 2 alcoholics. Not hard to miss the signs.’
He told me in no uncertain terms how wrong I was.
But see…he doesn’t know his sister talked to me about it. They know he’s gotten really bad. I suspect that is why he doesn’t drive. I think he lost his license but he won’t tell me that. Hiding things….another classic clue.
Anyway…We are talking via text. He always makes the mistake of putting an extra letter in when he says Hello Boo! Today I called him on it. He said maybe he did. I said no. You did. On Purpose.
“Smile when you say that,” he replied. So I sent him this photo.
“you still look good for an older lady!!” (he is 12 days younger than I am)
‘I look fucking awesome. Admit it.’
“Aren’t we full of our self today?”
‘Nope, just realizing my worth.’
…..And that statement brought me up short.
I do have worth.
I realized I’m done with him adding that extra letter to my name. I am done thinking I am not good enough for certain people. I’m done NOT doing what I want to do.
I will be traveling. I will be visiting friends. I will be camping. Just Jegs and I. Maybe one day Bohdi will earn a spot with us. I am not keeping everything like I think I should. I’m tired of cleaning around it. I will be enjoying myself more.
Because I am worth it.