….but to what end? I feel as if I am existing, not living. And when I try to do something fun, it seems one person or another in my life gets upset. Why? I keep saying this is MY journey to do MY way.
So instead, here I am. Still alone. Still …………. missing him. Which, of course, will be for the rest of my life. He was a force in my life.
It’s been over a year now. I expected missing him to soften with time….it seems like it some days and other days it still hits me like a truck.
My parents are selling the home farm. The home where my dad was born (upstairs) and raised. Where I grew up. Where I have a lot of memories. It’s difficult to think of not being able to go ‘home’ for the holidays.
In packing things up, a whole box of photos appeared. Hmmmmmmm I found some good ones.
No, his arms were not that hairy, just a black blur on the photo. But here is the smile I miss so much. His eyes always lit up when he smiled. The stained glass door in the photo is from the house we lived in on the ridge. It melted and burned in the fire. I wish they could have taken it off and kept it. That house was built in 1888.
As I dig out more, I will share them. All of them have made me smile, some have made me go “where the hell was THAT taken??” but they have all brought back good memories…..
Then there is this photo….June 2002. I look so young. And thin. And I really LIKE this picture. Even I think I look sexy!! oh dear….that’s scary….
*toddles off to take a cold shower………………….*