Others are eager to hear what you have to say, and they certainly want to see what you will do next, but you may not be ready just yet.
They certainly would be surprised what I did last night.
I’ve mentioned before that I am ‘waking up’ and finally finding the wherewithal to get things done around my house and yard.
So last night, instead of transplanting trees in the mud, I decided I would start getting the door ready for my balcony so my son could install it. It has a beautiful etched glass window in it. But the bottom of it needs some serious help. Around the top, varnish has bubbled up and needs to be removed.
I was planning on just sanding it down and coating it with polyurethane. But on closer inspection, I see I will need to strip this side of it. The ‘inside’ is OK. Just needs a good cleaning. So I found my sander, hauled the door out to the garage, got the door in and set up, and looked around.
I am surrounded by memories, things, stuff, tools, lawn mowers, engines….and there are his coveralls. And they smell like him. It’s already a cold, dreary, rainy kind of day so my mood wasn’t the best anyway.
I lost it.
Seriously lost it. Unable to breathe kind of losing it.
Crying, moaning and finally letting out the scream that has been building for almost 3 years.
Not so sure I like this waking up stuff. I think I want to go back to being numb.
Can I do that now?