I sit here with a lump in my throat….

…..from the reply I sent to Mike’s blog as it bounces around in my head.

He spoke of taking a ‘memento’ from each job he’s been at.

My reply? “I didn’t take anything from my last job, but from the job before that, I took my mechanic! Lived with him for over 20 years. I even MARRIED him!”Nick saying something most likely entirely inappropriate

And of course, the tears start flowing. Will that pain ever lessen? I am told one day it will be a smile instead of a tear. You have NO idea how much I yearn for that……

I am talking online with a guy from up nort’. He just lost his SO in July.

Today he spoke of a Tupperware sitting by the sink “like she just set it there and is coming back.” I know exactly how he feels. I get it.

When I went into the garage. And there were his coveralls, draped over the end of the storage cart. The last time he wore them. I picked them up. I could smell him on them. There were shop rags, dropped on the pile like he was just there. His tool box with everything where it belongs. The Fusion….still unfinished.

My heart just clenches and tries to keep from dying. My lungs try to expand to bring in that much needed air……and exhaling becomes a scream instead of a breath. I am surprised my eyes haven’t washed out of my head from all the tears I’ve shed.

And it’s all normal.

Grief is the last act of love

I don’t have to tell myself that.

My heart already knows.

Posted in Me

22 thoughts on “I sit here with a lump in my throat….

  1. the sad part is that the ‘deep love’ is sometimes taken for granted. and the guilt of that compounds the grief. but I guess there is no gauge for love. the soul clenching agony is the only informer. after the fact. and it plays me like a fiddle.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I sure hope so. the sorting is certainly not something for the faint of heart for sure, and I don’t want to be an expert. I guess we just have to trust.

        Liked by 1 person

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