I often wonder…

….what goes through the mind of the men who ‘pose’, leaning against the cylinder rack right outside my office door. They lean up against it like they are some well built firemen or bodybuilders trying to entice me to the ice cream shoppe.

Depending on the person, the giant love handles and the beer gut………I’m sorry…that is not something that turns me on, especially if you are all grubby, filthy dirty, unkempt,  AND (for Pete’s sake!) WEARING A WEDDING BAND!  So for you to wiggle your ass at me while I’m sitting hostage at my computer……………….ugh.

accept the good in your life like me i am a delight.jpg

Granted, I’m no slim, svelte, beautiful thang sitting here…..just getting older by the minute. I do have standards and that includes NO WEDDING BAND. I would hope you have the same standard if you are wearing one!

Some people’s children.

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Well….????

It’s how I feel today!! Thurs Happy Fri wait its Thurs.jpg

Thursday Day 4 of hostage

ITS FRIDAY bitches

This week has flown by yet it’s only Thursday?

It’s my Mommy’s birthday today. I’m going up to see her and help get more stuff outta the house. She has some things she claims are mine…..

The house is slowly getting into shape. The kitchen is hopefully getting done today. The downstairs bath this weekend….I just have to find the photo of the shower I want……

And now it’s time for lunch. Think I’ll go find some ice cream and a couch…..*snortz*

I need to ponder and find some inspiration…………………..

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Boo: 30 – Day: 0

sometimes you just have to let the day win

It has taken a while. I didn’t expect to learn to cope with his death this fast, and yet it seems so LONG!….. But Monday night was the first time in a while I’ve lost it over him. Lately, I think of him, get sad, leak a tear or two, and feel somewhat melancholy for a while. But this is not dropping me to my knees nearly as often as it used to. It has been a while now.

Monday was the evening my daughter and I started sorting through the many boxes of ‘STUFF’ Nick accumulated over the years. Man he had a LOT of STUFF. Books, magazines, catalogs, toy cars,trucks and vans of all sizes, posters, ashtrays, bags, radios, cards,….you name it!

It is actually feeling pretty good to get this done. Just looking at that room was depressing. And helped me feel the loss just looking at all that stuff. As we get it sorted, it is turning into the boy’s room. Slowly but surely.

My living room is a disaster. My downstairs bath is hopefully getting done this weekend………. FINGERS CROSSED!! My son is coming up tonight to look at doing the kitchen and dry bar.

Soon this house will be ‘mine’ without Nick’s fingerprint all over it.

I think that’s what I need to finish healing and learn to fully cope with him.

I will miss him forever. It just won’t hurt so much.

nick-saying-something-most-likely-entirely-inappropriate

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Well…I wrote this once today……

but it seems to have disappeared………………….??

3rd-bedroom

Remember this room and the mess? Well, my daughter and her family have moved in with me. And now I have NO choice but to be going thru Nick’s things. About half of this is sorted already.

As I sat there going thru cars, books, magazines, catalogs….I’d run across little notes he had put in the pages to mark something, his handwriting on each little note.

It finally became too much and I had to stop. My eyes were leaking more than I could control. My 10 year old grandson wondered why I was crying. His ‘mom’ just held me and said “Papa’s stuff” He got it.

Lennox and Papa

He is everywhere in that house.

And I will miss him til the day I die.

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I had a good weekend!

Friday night I actually got to go HOME right after work!! Some more stuff got sorted for daughter and family. It’s going to be a long process but we’ll get through it. Things got sorted good enough for them to get their bed assembled, 3yr olds bed assembled (so he’s not sleeping with Nonna anymore (sniffle)) and their dressers up to their room.

Saturday, more cleaning and rearranging, daughter and hubby took off for the weekend as it was their first anniversary. The boys went to their other Grandmother’s for the night. (I picked them up Sunday morning.)

Saturday night, my friend Neil and I went to Mississippi Mayhem. If you don’t know what it is, google it. It’s really rather interesting.bike

Looks to be a rather painful ride. It also looks like a lot of work and thought went into making it.

After walking the car show/swap meet, we went to the Eve of Destruction car races. I haven’t laughed like that in a while. OMG it was hilarious.

Some of the stuff was rather odd.

-kids making chalk pictures on the front straight away.

-1993 Mustang jumping (and knocking the sides down) a pool of green slimy water that went onto the track.

-blowing up things with an airbag like a tire, a container of bouncy balls, an old man prop in a wheelchair, a pumpkin, eggs, flour and sugar…..sigh.

-Monster trucks

-the red car is going to ram the orange car sitting on its taillights. And see if he can make it do a 360 in the air (2nd attempt….first one didn’t make his car do anything but fall down) It did a 360. Neil and I just shook our heads. car.jpeg

The little 4 bangers cars were fun to watch….about 5 or 6 of them just lost their right front wheel going around turn one. The car would slam into the tractor tires and the tire would wobble off up into the wall…..*laffs*

Then came the race of the evening…’The Eve of Destruction’ This year was the biggest year ever. There were 30 entries of cars, SUV’s, and trucks pulling behind them boats, campers, empty trailers, and one vehicle pulling a pink and lavender one of these:lil car

I was laughing my ass off!!

AND THEY’RE OFF!!!! Down the front straightaway they go!! flat tires just a floppin’, sparks flying from the campers already off their chassis, boats falling off the trailer because God forbid we STRAP THEM DOWN!!! There was no point!!

And into turn 1 they go…..and the first 7 vehicle pile up!! If you can’t stay on the track, then drive through the infield! or, if your vehicle is big enough, THROUGH the pile up! By the 1st lap, half of the 30 were done….Lap 2 sees more pile ups on Turn 1 so one guy turns around, goes the wrong way around the track aiming for people! The campers are busted up all over the track, trucks and SUV’s are hung up on the debris just SPINNING their wheels!

I think it took all of 10 minutes for the race we’d sat for 3 hours waiting for. It was hilarious. I laughed and shook my head, looked at Neil….he’s sitting there giggling right along with me.

It was a wonderful evening! It didn’t get cold, it didn’t take long to get out of the crowded parking lot, and I drove home just fine. It was a great time.

Sunday, I slept in. At 10:45am, I break a glass,  a piece gets between my toes, cuts one of them, but I don’t have time to deal with it as I need to be on the Southside by 11:30am to pick up the grandsons. The 3 year old is happy to see me. The 10 year old? never. I hope one day he understands happy.

Back home I go, make some lunch, the boys have eaten but the 10 yr old tries the recipe and decides he likes it. I see a smile. YES!

My friend Joe said he might come up on Sunday and give me a motorcycle ride. hmmmm didn’t tell me what time. The dogs started barking, I look out and see the tail light of a motorcycle. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm I figured it was one of my daughter’s friends finally coming to help them.  (My back is shot, I can hardly walk let alone do stairs)

Nope, it was my friend, Joe, and away we went. I don’t know how long we were gone but it felt good to ride. He would turn off onto a road and I had NO idea where we were some of the time. We’d end up no where NEAR where I thought we were….but it was fun.

‘Nonna? Why you on dat motorcycle? You can’t go without me on your wap.”  Oh really 3 year old? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm As much as I love you wittle man, sometimes Nonna needs to be by herself.

All in all it was a good weekend. Just incredibly short. Again.

Tonight is a football game, then home to sort some more.

Tomorrow night hair

Wednesday night insurance appointment.

Thursday is my mom’s birthday.

Friday night is another exciting football game…

Saturday is a football game, Applefest and a wedding.

Sunday is a tastefully simple party and Come for Supper.

Monday is another football game 2 hours away.  The rest of the week I’m free till Saturday when there is ANOTHER wedding.

I need to be 3 people.

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Have a mediocre weekend….?

I’m not sure what mine will be like. I’ve been invited to go to Mississippi Mayhem with a man *gasp* for the whole day. Which could be interesting since my back has been giving me fits lately. He asked me to go to the races with him. Because I like the crash’em up ones! This is the ‘trailer races’ – anything that can pull a trailer or camper I guess. Could be interesting. A night out instead of sitting at home. And I enjoy talking to this guy so………..it will be a fun evening. He’ll always be my friend.

Friends. That’s all I seem to be making. I can’t get my mind to say, ya….I could be with him. All I can see is Nick yet. But it’s been a year. Man…..it’s been a YEAR. Over a year. I’m not sure what I expected. I just know I’d like some male companionship. My 3 year old grandson is sleeping in my bed every other night. Not quite what I was expecting. *sigh*

a strong woman.jpg

Recently I spoke of keeping more to myself. There are a few people that seem to like to scoff at my decisions because it doesn’t include them. Sometimes I don’t think they realize that they are rolling their eyes, or snorting, but I watch body language. It usually says more than actual words. My world, my life, my choice. . . . so please respect that……….. I’m gonna do what makes ME happy. And that is NOT dating Nick’s friends. I will go DO things with them, but I do not plan on dating them. Sometimes it will include you, sometimes it won’t. I’m not speaking to any one person directly on this. Just life in general.

It’s my daughter’s first wedding anniversary this weekend. Grandson and I got one of their presents last night. They are going away for the weekend. SIL mother is keeping them Saturday while I go to the Mayhem. I will go pick them up on Sunday morning from LaCrosse. This will be interesting as she doesn’t want to even look at me let alone talk to me. I don’t get it. But that’s her decision and I am fine with it, and respect it.

Sprint 2014

Maybe by the time we all get home, the dog and the cat will have worked out a truce. My dog/their cat and their dog/my cat. And MY cat is being the aggressor! But then Piper wants to make friends so she sticks her nose in by Sprint and Sprint doesn’t want to play and and and… shredded and bloody pit bull/boxer nose. I may have to set up the kennel for the cat. He’s just being pissy….. So Momma will have to get pissy with him.

Fall is falling. I do like this time of year. I was never ready for you to leave

I start another season without him. I’ll be ok.

I always am.

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It’s Thursday??

piggy and her fab ness.gif

Having Monday off sometimes can mess wit cher head! I text my friend yesterday morning “Steak Buffet today?” She comes back with ‘On a WEDNESDAY??’…………

Well…..crap.

So I had leftovers that I brought for today and now I’m messed up. Big Boar BBQ today?  Or Steak? I haven’t decided yet.

And it’s 15 minutes to lunch…..

It was 62* last night in my house.

No, we are not turning on the furnace.

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I think your son…………….

Tequila for coffee

Thank God it’s Friday and a 3 day weekend at that!!

I woke up in a rotten mood today. Which makes things worse because it IS Friday. Friday….of a three day weekend Friday. Ugh. This does not bode well.

Friday finally showed up

I’m hoping this weekend to take off on a long motorcycle ride. We’ll see. One can have hope.

I hope as the day goes on, my mood improves. I don’t see how it can because I AM at work and just want to be home sorting things, rearranging things, getting things ready to go for my daughter and her family.

My lower back and both hips make me walk like my back is broken. It HURTS like it is broken. My legs like to give out on me and I am afraid of falling now.

My grandson has made a good effort to include Marghe into his family. He sat and talked with her when we were at the camper last weekend. Last night at the game, he came over and asked her how she liked football and he smiled that smile.

uh oh

I text my daughter in law this morning.

“I think your son likes my daughter. lol!”

She laughed.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

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