Hi you….

I went to Cullan’s final regular season game last night. He’s a senior now. I know RIGHT?? WTH!

I remember the day I told you he was on his way back in 1999. I will always laugh at that.

“Nick? how do you feel about sleeping with a grandma?”



And thanks for scaring me…???

Cullan Papa Truck walking back.jpeg

That boy loves you so, Papa. And he misses you so much. They all do.

crying sigh

Anyway, back to the game, it was, once again, was a massacre…..well almost. I think they gave them 20 pity points. Now before you think that sounds odd? They were playing all 1st string players? Our 1st string started sitting out the middle of the second quarter. Our freshman were playing. 52 – 20 was the final. LP is 0-7 , ooops 0-8 now. You would have been so proud Papa, of this young man. Not only watching him play, but how he watches out for his younger brother, and his foster brother. All 3 of them played last night, Papa!!  It was AWESOME to see!!  It was senior/parents night. And all the players were recognized. It was so nice.


They auctioned off the game ball. All the players signed it. I bid it up to $850. Then I quit. I really wanted to have it. Last years game ball went for $400. The money goes back into the football program. So it is a good thing.

cullan football 2017

Aubree was Nonna’s girl last night, Papa. I wish you could have gotten to know her. She was with us the night you died. I’ll not soon forget that she looked like hell. Runny nose, red eyes, tired, scared, clinging to Brandon like he was LIFE. Now, she is smiling, happy, healthy, and laughs! It’s so wonderful to see. She loves it when I hug her like you would have. She’s not so afraid now.

Your Jules has dimples you can swim in. She looks at the photo of you huggin’ the stuffin’ out of her at her birthday party just 8 weeks before you died. ‘That’s Papa!’ Yes, love , it is. ‘I miss him.’ We all do, love. She was only 2 when you died, but she remembers your love.

Today the dawn breaks slowly, I love how the fog hovers of that trout stream across the way.

fog on the creek this morning

I am exhausted today. The pain in my hips and back was almost unbearable last night. And for some reason, you were heavy on my mind. We talked. But as usual, you didn’t give me the answers I wanted. And you never will.

The kitchen looks so much better. The shower will get done yet this month. The house doesn’t look QUITE so much like OUR house anymore. It’s getting to be MY house. And it has to be this way for me to survive. I redid our bedroom into MY bedroom. But you are still there.

So I don’t know what it is going to take, other than moving. And I don’t really want to do that.

I know you told me not to mourn long. That has turned out to be easier said than done.

nicks butterfly

Because your love? Is still felt by everyone. And we all see the signs you send.

I love you. Always will.

nick and sue dancing

Posted in Me

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