I need something…..

………..to bring me back to this.

“Call me if you need me!”

“just let me know if you need me to help”

“You ok? You know you can call me if you need me.”

I have. And I get……

“I’m sorry, I’ll be out of town.”

“Can’t….won’t be home till 10pm”

“Sorry, not today.”

So PLEASE do NOT tell someone you will be there for them IF they finally get to the point where they call YOU because YOU do not check up on them…then tell them you can’t come.

MEAN it when you say it. Be prepared to BE THERE for them when they call. Because you have NO fucking idea what it took for them to dial that #.

And if you reply with any of the above?…..it’s like a bullet to the heart.

My day….

Life is a little tiring right now.

Christmas…..was…..

Somewhat OK…

In this photo you will see the shirt type Nick always wore. I had a bunch of them made into pillows for the grandkids. 11 of them. And my bank account is $600 lighter. But you should SEE them!!! They are freakin’ AWESOME!! Kris did a wonderful job.

I will get a couple photos soon.

His flannel shirts? Are getting made into a lap robe for me. Wonder how much that will set me back. But it’s worth it.

too subtle?

No, it’s not.

So I took a chance

…and asked our sales rep who visits the guy that smiles at me, to see if he is single.

“I think he is married but I’ll ask.”

“Quietly” I said…………he said “yes.”

So another ‘just my luck, he is married’ kind of answer.

Should have stayed unknowing.

Then I look at my horrorscope for today: Your attention is likely to shift to things that are not of this world. Today, something attracts you like nothing before.

Can I just scream?

I think I would feel better. I’m going to find some old plates to break. That, too, would expend this pent up energy.

I need to add some funny today….

It was a stressful weekend. Started after I had lunch with 2 cousins in Red Wing. The Smokin’ Oak. YUM!

Stopped by my Scottish auntie’s crazy sisters house. She was sleeping. We don’t think there is a lot of time left for her. I was hoping for one more hug. I don’t know if I am going to get that.

Then I stopped by Nick. Marghe hadn’t been there before which tells me it’s been awhile since I was there. Not good. There must have been some strong wind going thru there as things were scattered around. I’m sure I didn’t get everything as the snow is deep enough in some spots and I’m not going to go digging thru it right now. Tacky toy vehicles left on his bench. Plastic flowers in sand. And it looks like someone broke off the solar angel his sister left. I don’t think the wind would have broken it off but then we had some pretty strong gusts lately.

Then back home because after being with Nick, my heart wasn’t in another hour of driving to a wrestling match. Apparently it’s not one of the better run ones. But grandson Logan kicked some butt and I do wish I would have been there to see it. I’m just getting more worn out as Christmas approaches.

I thought I would love having daughter en fam living with me. There are issues and I’m not bringing anything up because they just don’t understand. The one thing that really hurts tho is how the 3 year old ignores me now. I know the reason behind it but I’ll just stay quiet. And he won’t get everything I used to give him. I’m not going to beg for his affection. I had it. I know where it went. And hopefully it will come back.

I need to go thru the presents I have and see what else I need to get. This year will be pretty low key with the kids getting Papa Pillows and the older ones getting his coats. The younger ones will eventually get his coats I hope….they should be passed down to them.

I’m just not into Christmas this year. I did put up more decorations this year than last but I have a 17 yr old, a 10 yr old and a 3 yr old in my house so basically I had to.

So time for me to start wrapping tonight so I know what else I need to find.

That’s the part I hate.

I don’t recall where I stole this from but I think it works for me.

May 1990

I was 29.

HA!

1993? nope…’90 or 91

2017