The end of another week….

…..and all the thoughts that were swirling around through my head all week are……….*poof* gone. Dammit.

My guy is coming into town and we are going to my G’son’s Track Meet. The oldest G’son. The one that will be hardest to win over I am afraid. He loved his Papa but he also knows Nonna wants and needs to be happy again.

cullan football 2017
I LOVE this photo of Cullan.

So I don’t think Cullan will put him through too much of a grilling.  He loves his Nonna too much.

cullan football.jpg

A friend promised him he could use his Mustang for Prom. And now that person won’t reply to Cullan’s question about it. I told Cullan he could use mine (He’s too tall to drive it) or Papa’s Truck ….um THE truck (won’t hold 4 people). That former friend of mine has gone back on several promises in the last few months.

Oh well. His loss.

Thoughts of Nick float through my head and I smile now. It’s not so rough thinking about him and the love we had. I will always love him with a passion that surprises me. But I will move on. Ken is comfortable and safe and yet HE surprises me with things too. It’s a side of Ken I have never seen and I raise my eyebrows then laugh. He makes me laugh…..a lot.

I hope he keeps me laughing.

 

Posted in Me

RIP my favorite Numpty………..

Numpty

Oh Elsie…to my wonderful favorite Numpty. I loved you. You were the source of some of my funniest jokes and meme’s. You kept me laughing and smiling when I thought I couldn’t carry on. You made me laugh and smile even when you were so close to your own end. That sparkle was still in your eye.

You will always be in my smile and my laugh.

I love you.

Posted in Me

I guess I’m a realistic person…..?

glass half empty

Good Lord knows I’ve melted enough ice cubes in the last 21 months.

I have another date tonight. It will be a movie and snuggling on the couch but that works for me. I also have a few things I want to discuss with him.

It IS a school night yanno……so home by 9:15pm.

I spent some time remembering Nick again last night. As I got out of my shower, I could suddenly ‘see’ him when we first started being together. He had more hair then. He would dry off, get out of the shower, shake his head, finger comb his hair, then shake his head again. It was considered dried and styled then.*chuckles*

I could see it just as plain as day.

And I smiled…..no tears this time.

Memories of our life are popping back into my head at odd times. I’m sure starting a new relationship is what is causing it. And that is OK. I have to work  through this stuff no matter what. Ken says he understands when I have a bad day. I’ve only had ONE since we started 3 weeks ago, Monday night it was I think…

It’s a good man who still wants to be around you when you are having a bad day about your late husband. I may have to keep him. LOL

 

Posted in Me

Have I?

accept yourself.png

I think so. I have a man in my life with whom I am comfortable and enjoy spending time with. My house is slowly getting in order. My weight continues to go down. It was noticed this morning. Thank you kind sir!

And for the first time in a while – I am happy with my life as it is.

The only thing I would change is to be alone in my house. I am really beginning to crave that. Don’t get me wrong….I love having my daughters there. But it is always seems so chaotic.  And yet soon enough, Italian daughter will be heading home. Six short weeks from Saturday.

That makes me pretty sad. I will miss her so much. She’s funny, witty, beautiful and charming.

I picked another good one.

*sniffle*CRYING EYE

 

Posted in Me

I sit here …….. and smile (Edited)

I am thinking about changing my status on my Facebook to ‘in a relationship’…OK, I just changed it. Wonder how many will notice. LOL OMG A BUNCH immediately! WOW.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahhahahahahaaa!!!!

We had a wonderful weekend. I got to see him all 3 days. I won’t see him now till Wednesday as Ladies Night got switched to Tuesday so we can go to $5 movie night and see Rampage.

I am exclusive when I with someone. There will be yes to anyone else who asks me out. *wait….WHAT?? I will answer I’m sorry NO to anyone else…what the hell? I must be tired.* (And how is it NONE of you spotted this mistake? heh heh heh)

I don’t do that. I go for supper with friends but they are not dates. Because they are my friends.


Weve been friends for so longWednesday evening I will stop by his place on my way home. I have to stop at my friend, Mary’s house, too. She lives a few miles before I turn to go to his house. I miss her. She is a sister to the guy I dated for a bit last summer. I miss seeing her. I miss her mom. Hell I miss him. He was a good friend to me. But his ‘soon to be’ has made it clear there is no room in that family’s life for me anymore so I have stayed quiet. I just miss them tho.

Lawn clean up tonight. It is a MESS. Have a great evening!

Posted in Me

Today….

I opened up this page to write…………and all I saw was a BIG blank white screen where I can put down words that maybe, just maybe, y’all want to read and comment on.

And I went blank. I sat here for an hour…

you-will-never-find-another-me-not-sure-if-that-is-good-or-bad

Another 45 minutes later I am still looking. I have so much I want to talk about with the feelings I am having surrounding my new man. And I don’t know how to put it into words.

Yesterday was spent thinking on and off about Ricky and the USS Iowa. Remembering an awesome young man everyone loved and who was taken from us far too soon.

Today I get a text from my cousin, my favorite Numpty has been going downhill. I planned to stop in tomorrow on the way back from the cities. Cousin text that the girls, her daughters, are heading there NOW. This does not bode well.  I’ll be waiting for a text. And it won’t be a good one. Elsie is one naughty lady. She made me laugh and feel loved. I will miss her beyond words. I am glad I stopped to see her a few weeks ago. She looked really rough…but she still had that Numpty sparkle in her eye. I'm fine

Ken. What can I say about him. I laugh a lot around him. I think that is important. We can also be silent with each other. We tease and smile and roll our eyes at each other. But how do I feel? I like him. A lot. I enjoy spending time with him. I miss him when we are not together just because I enjoy being with him….not because I am in love with him. Because I know I am not.

I am happy with companionship right now. Enjoying each others company. Doing whatever strikes us. He likes that I stayed overnight and I will probably do that as often as I can. And it’s because I love to snuggle up to his big warm body. We snuggle up watching movies with his projection screen TV. Movie is on a whole WALL……nice. Surround sound….nice. A warm recliner….nice. I’m good with this for now.

I don’t know if there will be more……but I’ll keep ya posted!

Posted in Me

April 19 , 1989

grief

Heavy smoke pours from Turret Two following an internal explosion on 19 April 1989.

220px-USS_Iowa_BB61_Iowa_Explosion_1989.jpg

My friend Ricky was in there when this photo was taken. The following is from Wiki.

1989 turret explosion

 

During a gunnery exercise, at 0955 on 19 April 1989, an explosion ripped through the Number Two 16-inch (410 mm) gun turret, killing 47 crewmen. A gunner’s mate in the powder magazine room quickly flooded the No. 2 powder magazine, likely preventing catastrophic damage to the ship. At first, Naval Investigative Service (N.I.S., later renamed Naval Criminal Investigative Service or NCIS) investigators theorized that one of the dead crewmen, Clayton Hartwig, had detonated an explosive device in a suicide attempt after the end of an alleged affair with another sailor. To support this claim, naval officials pointed to several different factors, including Hartwig’s life insurance policy, which named Kendall Truitt as the sole beneficiary in the event of his death, the presence of unexplained materials inside Turret II, and his mental state, which was alleged to be unstable.

Although the Navy was satisfied with the investigation and its results, others were unconvinced, and in October 1991, amid increasing criticism, Congress forced the Navy to reopen the investigation. This second investigation, handled by independent investigators, was hampered by the fact that most of the original debris from Iowa had been cleaned up or otherwise disposed of by the Navy before and after the first investigation, but it did uncover evidence pointing to an accidental powder explosion rather than an intentional act of sabotage.

I had partied with Ricky, his sister, and one of his friends, just 3 weeks before this happened. We had a wonderful time watching Eddie Murphy and playing cards or some board game. Talking and laughing.

Little did we know.

But apparently he had a premonition.

They found all his friends senior photos laid out on the floor in the house he rented. He had seen everyone on his last trip home. If I remember correctly, they even found his class ring there when he wore it all the time.

He left it behind this time.

He was a ‘take this one home to meet Momma’ kind of warm, kind, gentle, friendly soul. He worked at the local grocery store and ALWAYS had a smile on his face.

Ricky and 46 other young men died that day.

May they all RIP.

Posted in Me

Heartburn…

I have not had heartburn since he and I started dating. I just noticed that today. I’m just getting a twinge of burn but I am STARVING. And when I thought about why I’m burning…it went away sans Tums. Yay me!

A TIGHT HUG
I went to his house and we watched Taken 3 last night. Some scenes were difficult for me to watch. Someone dies and the things that go with that…………just brought back a bunch of memories. I did not have to go identify Nick at the morgue, but the curling up with his bathrobe, inhaling his scent and losing it…………it was right here. It did not last as long nor was it the ‘suck the life’s breath out of my soul’ like it used to.

Taken is a good series. I think I am now in love with Liam Neeson. *sigh*

It will be a whopping 3 weeks on Saturday since we started seeing each other.

7 or 8 dates already. I’m comfortable with him. He’s nice to snuggle up to. He’s funny and warm. I like his companionship and spending time with him. I just don’t know where this will go.
be crazy be stupid be silly
I’m just struggling with the ‘love’ thing. But I’m not putting too much thought into it yet. It just crosses my mind now and again.  I just don’t think I’ll have a love for anyone like I had for Nick. I may, and it will be totally new and different, I just need to figure it out. I’d settle for just being HAPPY and comfortable with Ken. He is so different and that is a good thing. It feels good to have his arms around me. I don’t feel possessive or jealous. I’m not worried about ‘us’. It is just nice to have someone to spend adult time with.

We haven’t spoken of this all yet. We should. I asked him last night ‘So is it official? We are dating?’ He laughed…..’ya.’ There are times it is difficult to get how he feels about something out of him.
That’ll have to change. heh heh heh……………
Posted in Me

Some thoughts today…..

It might work! Couldn’t hurt! Sheesh… we are in for another 3″ – 10″ of this white crap starting tonight!

I may end up snowbound again! heh heh heh WHA…………????

UNPLUG SPRING

I’ve been doing so much thinking about my new relationship. I really do like this guy. We are compatible. We have fun, we laugh, I smile when I think about being with him.

I enjoy him.

We have another date tonight. Tuesdays are becoming Movie night at his house. It’s just a few hours together but we talk and enjoy each other’s company.

And I am not afraid or apprehensive with him. Not double thinking things, not worrying. It feels good.

be crazy be stupid be silly

I was talking with my friend John in NY this morning.  I told him I did not know if I will find love again. He said I won’t til I stop fighting it. “It’s OK to move on, Sue. You have a life to live. Don’t waste it looking back. Use the love you had, that you have in your heart, to make yourself and someone else happy.

He’s sending you flowers, too? No brainer”

(Did you notice the caption on the card??)flowers

LOL

Leave it to my Dion to make me see things in a different light.

I know I am capable of great love. I KNOW that. I put myself completely into a relationship.

I also want to be sure of how he feels before I pour myself into a relationship that will break my heart if it does not work out. I think this could be a solid good thing but remember, nothing is ever certain.

It has taken my heart a long time to be in ‘this place’  where I feel I can give myself to someone new.

And it feels good.

Posted in Me

I think I’ll keep him….

flowers.jpeg

These arrived Friday. I guess I don’t tease him about things. They show up when I do!! I”m still smiling about these. They are so pretty and smell SOO GOOD!! They sit on my coffee table so my living room smells wonderful……

This weekend, I found out this man has wanted to date me since he met me.

<insert jaw drop here>

We talked about that Sunday morning.

I said it made me feel good to know that is how he felt but that he respected my relationship with Nick enough to never act on it til now.

Remember Kevin? He said he has been in love with me since he met me in 2006.

Nick fell in love with me at first sight.

I must exude so pretty fierce Pheromones huh??

Posted in Me