What a CRAPTASTIC kind of day….

Last night things kept hitting me. It was a rough evening. I made it through and today I am smiling at the memories………….

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For some reason today, I’m just NOT in the best mood. This anniversary stuff popping in my head is making me struggle more than normal. That, and some serious talking with a dear friend last night has got my mind just swirling again, questioning my choices, trying to understand why I can get nothing done at home, and why I just want to get away for a while.

Nick at Grand Marias on the way up to

I have a 4 day weekend coming up. I should just leave. But, once again, I’ve made promises. Of course, I could take off Friday after work and I don’t HAVE to be anywhere till church Sunday morning. And I don’t even HAVE to be there for that. I don’t HAVE to be anywhere till Wednesday morning. I scoop up Grandson #6 on Sunday, and take off. To parts unknown.

I wish people would promise ME like I do them. I help…

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A painful letter to write … and yet

From one year ago, I love what I got to do for him in that last month. You always think “I have time to do that” then suddenly it is later and there is no time. Do it NOW.

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Nick’s corneas were donated. He died at 2am, they called me at 7am. It stunned me to be contacted so soon but time is of the essence in organ donation.

It’s been almost a year. They told me I could meet these two men after a year. So I’ve started the process of contacting them through the eye bank that harvested his corneas.

Below is the letter I wrote this morning.


Greetings and salivations!

Above is a photo of the wonderful man who, many years ago, made the best decision – to put on his driver license “Donor”. I know he wished we could have donated more of him to help other people. It’s how he was. He loved helping people.

Nick and I were together for 23 years, engaged for almost 20 of those years, and married for 4 months/2days before he died of gastric cancer, the reason…

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I won 2 games last night!!! On my own!! And not because he scratched on the 8 ball!! (OK, I won two games because he scratched too, but they don’t count)

And I think I discovered why…….I changed pool cues. And I couldn’t miss my shots. (OK, I missed a FEW…but not MOST like before!!) I really enjoyed it last night. pool-table.jpeg <–the pool table!
(with a bad job of photo shopping Cowboy out of it)

I enjoy all my time spent with Ken. But when Pool finally goes right? ya. Even more.

I made my enchiladas for supper. He really liked them. I surprised him with raspberries and blackberries for over our vanilla ice cream. He surprised me with Strawberry Shortcake. WITH COOL WHIP!! He won! But it was a good supper anyway and I had raspberries, blackberries, and a banana for lunch today.

Then we went down to play pool……I enjoy sparring with him. We laugh and touch and talk and just keep learning about each other…..

….then I went home.

I am having Ladies night at my house tonight, I have a board meeting Thursday evening. And Friday night is the bonfire. It’s to be 96* on Friday. This could get interesting.

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Back to the 50’s…..

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First photo will be a black Ford truck with orange fenders…..

This is a STUNNING Ford truck….I love it…And I can’t wait to drive MINE again. *heal chest HEAL!!*

Gas dropped from $2.51/gallon on my way TO the cities to $2.49/gallon on my way home. Needless to say I stopped and topped the tank.

Coors car. Took a photo of that for Ken. He asked me to check the fluid ounces….Made me giggle. Some people have incredible visions for their wheels.

Crown Vic – What a GORGEOUS car. I LOVE me a Vic. Too bad I had to sell mine. It makes me sad.

The line up of cars were our group. From left to right: Joe’s Blue…..I don’t know the year Ford. Tom’s ’57 Ford Custom convertible. His dad bought it new. Tommy’s Ford Fairlane. GORGEOUS car. And Marty’s something or other Ford. I don’t know his car very well.

This is the New Zealand family I was so excited to see. Amy the daughter, Allan the dad, and Julie the mum. I sent home the final cap Nick wore home with Allan. He will get a photo wearing it first then put it in the cabinet for display. I also sent home the shirt Nick wore at the benefit. I want photos of them wearing it too.
CROPPED Nick and Sue at the benefit
It would fit either of them. I just wanted them to have one. I cannot get anymore as the company that made these is out of business and I have to start over to get more made.

Allan and Nick clicked like two peas the moment they met. I’m just sorry they only got a few short years as friends. When I pulled into the motel, I realized it was the same one where those two met. I parked where they worked on Tom’s car, sat there, and just cried and I was shaking like a leaf. Memories of that day just FLOODED back. It is already hard to breathe but it was worse sitting there. I let it finish, wiped my eyes, and then I smiled.

I made it through another memory.

Sitting at BTT50’s, I kept thinking of Nick with every car except the Coors car. Thinking how much he enjoyed it the one year we came up with his truck. We had such fun. I miss doing car shows with him. His childlike excitement at each new discovery was infectious. Sometimes I felt dragged from car to car, but I would give the world to have had that this past weekend again.

A magazine took a photo of his truck and put it in the spread they did on BTT50’s.  I’m going to do what I can to get the truck up there next year.
I wish I knew how to keep Nick more in the background because Ken deserves to be ‘out front’. I think about both of them all the time.

But Ken is HERE. In the here and now. I spend my weekends at his house. I talk to him every day. I really care about this guy. We laugh and enjoy ourselves so much.

Just wish I knew where we were going …… Granted it has only been 3 months but I knew after a week where I was headed with Nick.




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