What a CRAPTASTIC kind of day….

Last night things kept hitting me. It was a rough evening. I made it through and today I am smiling at the memories………….

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For some reason today, I’m just NOT in the best mood. This anniversary stuff popping in my head is making me struggle more than normal. That, and some serious talking with a dear friend last night has got my mind just swirling again, questioning my choices, trying to understand why I can get nothing done at home, and why I just want to get away for a while.

Nick at Grand Marias on the way up to

I have a 4 day weekend coming up. I should just leave. But, once again, I’ve made promises. Of course, I could take off Friday after work and I don’t HAVE to be anywhere till church Sunday morning. And I don’t even HAVE to be there for that. I don’t HAVE to be anywhere till Wednesday morning. I scoop up Grandson #6 on Sunday, and take off. To parts unknown.

I wish people would promise ME like I do them. I help…

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A painful letter to write … and yet

From one year ago, I love what I got to do for him in that last month. You always think “I have time to do that” then suddenly it is later and there is no time. Do it NOW.

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Nick’s corneas were donated. He died at 2am, they called me at 7am. It stunned me to be contacted so soon but time is of the essence in organ donation.

It’s been almost a year. They told me I could meet these two men after a year. So I’ve started the process of contacting them through the eye bank that harvested his corneas.

Below is the letter I wrote this morning.


Greetings and salivations!

Above is a photo of the wonderful man who, many years ago, made the best decision – to put on his driver license “Donor”. I know he wished we could have donated more of him to help other people. It’s how he was. He loved helping people.

Nick and I were together for 23 years, engaged for almost 20 of those years, and married for 4 months/2days before he died of gastric cancer, the reason…

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I won 2 games last night!!! On my own!! And not because he scratched on the 8 ball!! (OK, I won two games because he scratched too, but they don’t count)

And I think I discovered why…….I changed pool cues. And I couldn’t miss my shots. (OK, I missed a FEW…but not MOST like before!!) I really enjoyed it last night. pool-table.jpeg <–the pool table!
(with a bad job of photo shopping Cowboy out of it)

I enjoy all my time spent with Ken. But when Pool finally goes right? ya. Even more.

I made my enchiladas for supper. He really liked them. I surprised him with raspberries and blackberries for over our vanilla ice cream. He surprised me with Strawberry Shortcake. WITH COOL WHIP!! He won! But it was a good supper anyway and I had raspberries, blackberries, and a banana for lunch today.

Then we went down to play pool……I enjoy sparring with him. We laugh and touch and talk and just keep learning about each other…..

….then I went home.

I am having Ladies night at my house tonight, I have a board meeting Thursday evening. And Friday night is the bonfire. It’s to be 96* on Friday. This could get interesting.

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Back to the 50’s…..

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First photo will be a black Ford truck with orange fenders…..

This is a STUNNING Ford truck….I love it…And I can’t wait to drive MINE again. *heal chest HEAL!!*

Gas dropped from $2.51/gallon on my way TO the cities to $2.49/gallon on my way home. Needless to say I stopped and topped the tank.

Coors car. Took a photo of that for Ken. He asked me to check the fluid ounces….Made me giggle. Some people have incredible visions for their wheels.

Crown Vic – What a GORGEOUS car. I LOVE me a Vic. Too bad I had to sell mine. It makes me sad.

The line up of cars were our group. From left to right: Joe’s Blue…..I don’t know the year Ford. Tom’s ’57 Ford Custom convertible. His dad bought it new. Tommy’s Ford Fairlane. GORGEOUS car. And Marty’s something or other Ford. I don’t know his car very well.

This is the New Zealand family I was so excited to see. Amy the daughter, Allan the dad, and Julie the mum. I sent home the final cap Nick wore home with Allan. He will get a photo wearing it first then put it in the cabinet for display. I also sent home the shirt Nick wore at the benefit. I want photos of them wearing it too.
CROPPED Nick and Sue at the benefit
It would fit either of them. I just wanted them to have one. I cannot get anymore as the company that made these is out of business and I have to start over to get more made.

Allan and Nick clicked like two peas the moment they met. I’m just sorry they only got a few short years as friends. When I pulled into the motel, I realized it was the same one where those two met. I parked where they worked on Tom’s car, sat there, and just cried and I was shaking like a leaf. Memories of that day just FLOODED back. It is already hard to breathe but it was worse sitting there. I let it finish, wiped my eyes, and then I smiled.

I made it through another memory.

Sitting at BTT50’s, I kept thinking of Nick with every car except the Coors car. Thinking how much he enjoyed it the one year we came up with his truck. We had such fun. I miss doing car shows with him. His childlike excitement at each new discovery was infectious. Sometimes I felt dragged from car to car, but I would give the world to have had that this past weekend again.

A magazine took a photo of his truck and put it in the spread they did on BTT50’s.  I’m going to do what I can to get the truck up there next year.
I wish I knew how to keep Nick more in the background because Ken deserves to be ‘out front’. I think about both of them all the time.

But Ken is HERE. In the here and now. I spend my weekends at his house. I talk to him every day. I really care about this guy. We laugh and enjoy ourselves so much.

Just wish I knew where we were going …… Granted it has only been 3 months but I knew after a week where I was headed with Nick.




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….totally unexpectedly met his Mom and Sister yesterday…..I was NOT ready for that…..

Here’s the story……………………


Two of his trees are dying. They are pretty tall too. He wants to cut them down and replace them, so we were looking at different types of evergreens. I wanted the REALLY soft one for $379. OMG! He likes it too but we were just looking and are not sure what to get yet. And? if he spent that kind of money on a tree, I’d shoot him……wow.

Anyway….I had noticed the truck up on the top getting mulch loaded. I thought it looked a lot like Ken’s truck but what are the chances his family has a truck just like his……?


I am looking at more shrubbery and stuff when I hear that truck moving, I turn and look and some lady is rolling down her window, yelling at Ken that he has enough stuff. I thought man! We can’t go ANYWHERE but someone knows Ken. I look and didn’t really pay attention till Ken says “Sue, come over here?” So I did….

“This is my sister and my mom.”

Could have knocked me over with a feather……….

NOT the first impression I wanted to make……………………………..My hair looked horrid…..

We stood and talked for a bit about plants and trees and why we were there……It was ok. I made it through meeting them. Two down, one to go and he lives in Florida so……..who knows when I’ll meet him……

Anyway…. I am giving Ken one of my corkscrew willows. He likes how it looks. I LOVE how the two I planted look. I can get more from my friend. They are totally cool. I also have 2 Sugar Maples that need moved before they get much bigger. They are right under my big living room window. Either he takes them or I move them into the yard.

I discovered this year, my birch tree that leans towards the house, is dying. I’ll need to cut it down but I am not replacing it. I would like to leave that place more open. I thought that tree was too close to the house anyway. I want to plant some trees on the other side of the fire pit so I can hang string lights in them.

I am hoping Ken will agree to come help me with my trees tonight. I still cannot do much with my left arm. I sneezed last night and about died. I sneezed at work today, but made sure to curl myself up and it was not as bad. Thank God! That freakin’ HURTS!!

I’m going to try to figure out how to reblog our ‘Bittersweet Farewell Tour’ of 2 years ago….

Hope it helps me deal with things …………




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G’Day one and all!!

Only appropriate since I’ll be seeing my New Zealander friends today!!

BEYOND excited!! new-zealand-pets.jpg

Back to the 50’s car show at the Minnesota State Fairgrounds! I’ll be heading out in 20 minutes *looks at clock…11:25am* YES! I came to work a bit early so I can leave a bit early today. I just want to get up there and see not only the NZ people but my Illinois Mafia friends, too.

Drop some petrol in the tank and I’M OFF!!


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So I took all my floor pillows……

and made a BIG U on my bed. Lined the top with all my 6 ...7….OK! 8  pillows….  SHEESH!

I like my down feather pillows!!

accept yourself.png

I did that the night before only not enough of a U shape. I slid off to my left during the night, ended up curled up on my left side and just about couldn’t get uncurled in the morning. So last night I curled them around so both my arms were up on top next to my body.

I slept purdy durn good considering……

my furbabies

…..and my furbabies are so damn happy to have me back in my bed where I BELONG!

I loves me my furbabies.

Jegs T. Dog….most wonderful dog EVER!

Jegs in my car 101115.jpg

and Sprint T. Cat.


And Yes, Sprint is huge. 16+ lbs of cat fur, sharp claws and LOUD PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRS. He lurves me……the stinker.

cat in open window

If it decides to stop raining tonight, I’m taking the Mustang out for a run.

Wish me luck….



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