Why?? sheesh!!

Last night on my way home, I hurt. I just freakin’ hurt. And all I could think about is Nick, “I need you to hold me and make me feel better. I need you HERE.”  My chest felt SO bad.

holding Nick on my lap on the futon


I hate where my mind goes sometimes. I know he’s gone and holding me is not a possibility. I hurt that bad. All I wanted was Nick’s arms around me.

It made me cry knowing he cannot comfort me like I did for him.

I’m finding myself standing in the shower just sobbing again.

It’s the time of the year. Two years ago June 16, he decided to stop Chemo. Within 5 weeks he was gone. This was the time we got things ready to go on the ‘Bittersweet Farewell Tour’ to Canada, the Falcon Nationals in Baraboo, The Mustang Run, and meeting Jack Rousch. Eleven days after Jack he was gone. One week after Falcon Nationals, he was gone.

The love of my life.


The rest of my year seems better………this 6 weeks up til Aug 1?

Not so much.

And I’m good with that.

Posted in Me

7 thoughts on “Why?? sheesh!!

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