My Brother….

Yesterday was Portland Prairie Services.

This is the cemetery where several generation of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins are buried.

And also my brother.

I’d like to mourn him. But for some reason it is JUST not happening.

I’ve said before he would go weeks without contacting me. Then I’d hear from him for a weekend straight.

He lived with me for a long time up on the ridge. He would come in off the road for a long weekend every 6 weeks. No sense in renting an apartment for that kind of living. So he just ‘rented’ one of my 6 bedrooms. I think he paid me in 6 pounds of butter and a couple gallons of milk. Sometimes a couple steaks so we could grill out.

I got him back involved with the family when Nick and I finally married. He learned then when I said come over you’ll have fun, that I wasn’t kidding.

But then instead of being my brother, he got pretty damn bossy. And I got pretty frustrated with him.

So right now, my emotions about him are pretty messed up.

I have no idea what or how to feel.

How fucked up is THAT?

Posted in Me

6 thoughts on “My Brother….

    1. I just feel ‘blank’. Nothing when I stood by his grave. And yet singing a hymn inside that old church reduced me to tears. I just don’t know who for.


  1. Believe it or not, I totally understand! My older brother and I had a very similar relationship. We went 7 years one time without any contact. He was always “busy” so when he died I went through the same things you are. Once in a while, I still think I should call him. I know he’s gone, it’s just weird! Hugsssss to you Boo. ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I thought we had gotten closer before he died. But then I read some of the texts between him and my sister. And discovered a 3 way conversation between my sister and my two brothers. Thanks for including me.


  2. My brother died a little over a year ago in May–we were never close–we haven’t seen or spoken to each other over 30 years–if it wasn’t for my sister-in-law I never would have known about him and his family of which he was very successful.
    He and wife were married 65 years when he died.
    I didn’t feel anything when he died but one evening out of the clear sky it hit me and I realize(d) what I lost.

    Liked by 1 person

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