Yesterday was Portland Prairie Services.
This is the cemetery where several generation of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins are buried.
And also my brother.
I’d like to mourn him. But for some reason it is JUST not happening.
I’ve said before he would go weeks without contacting me. Then I’d hear from him for a weekend straight.
He lived with me for a long time up on the ridge. He would come in off the road for a long weekend every 6 weeks. No sense in renting an apartment for that kind of living. So he just ‘rented’ one of my 6 bedrooms. I think he paid me in 6 pounds of butter and a couple gallons of milk. Sometimes a couple steaks so we could grill out.
I got him back involved with the family when Nick and I finally married. He learned then when I said come over you’ll have fun, that I wasn’t kidding.
But then instead of being my brother, he got pretty damn bossy. And I got pretty frustrated with him.
So right now, my emotions about him are pretty messed up.
I have no idea what or how to feel.
How fucked up is THAT?