This has been a rough week…….

………for some reason. I’ve been through it 3 times now and for some reason this time was harder. It’s been 4 years (Oct 20th) since this journey through cancer and it’s aftermath started. I probably will always struggle with it.

Until one day………

He's goneWhen my Bear dog died, we both struggled every year. We had him put down Sept 10, 2005. I held him in my arms as he passed away. I sat with him for a long while after he died, just trying to breathe.

Irony? He had pancreatic cancer.

This year? I actually didn’t go up to his grave for the first time since 2005. I thought about it just didn’t make the “OMG We have to GO!” plans like every other year.

He is buried just to the left in this photo. In fact, you can see the handle of the spade my son used to dig the hole a bit deeper than Nick had it. We have rocks and flowers planted on his grave. I will probably go up there sometime soon. Just to talk to him about ‘Dad’.

Bear’s dad and Jeg’s grandfather were the same Rottweiler, Joker. Three of the best dogs ever. It took us 5 years to finally decide on Jegs. And we only took him because he was one of the last of Joker’s line.

I still mourn this one. I still miss this one so much. Jegs will be worse because I won’t have Nick to help me grieve with over him.

I’ll be glad when this week is over.

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