I think this will be what my Christmas

I was in such pain when I wrote this 2 years ago. I don’t think it will be so bad this year. I hope it won’t anyway. I may not be sober just because this time instead of being unable to deal with things….

Welcome to my little corner of the institution...

…..will look like this year.

santa-turns-red

I don’t have a lot of choice in sticking around for Christmas….but no one says I have to stay sober. Or even go anywhere. Oblivion seems a pretty good looking option right now. After the ‘rents and the g’kids go home or I get home.

I will go though. It’s Earn’s first Christmas here. I am going to do my damnedest to make it good. She deserves it even though this will be incredibly painful for me to sit through. I know someone is going to say “Papa isn’t here.” Last weekend, Lennox asked if we could wake up Papa now.

Thanksgiving was hard. Even though I was in a place with no Nick Thanksgiving memories, there were still memories of us there. After 23 years, there are few places where I don’t see him…

20 weeks on Friday. Months already. I think of sitting…

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